I cannot believe it is the last day of November..... oh where oh where is this year going?

I am so excited for this new month, there are several different reasons why!

ADVENT!!!!! I love the celebration of the coming King! We celebrate is birth and we celebrate that He will come again soon! What a reason to decorate and feast and give gifts!!!! We do a different craft or activity each day to get ready. I will share more on this later and update with pics and other info. This will be my third year of doing this and I enjoy it more and more each year. I am not sure if we will use glitter this year though, we still have not recovered from the glitter incident of 2007. I am sure Bowden and Evynn remember the tears and gnashing of teeth... even little Kailyn (who was only 6 months at the time whimpers a little when she hears the word glitter)

We are starting to instill a new system of chores in our home. I have been reading Managers of their Chores by the Maxwells. it is excellent and I do believe that with some commitment on my part (Keith too), we can really get our little ones headed on the right path to helping in the home. December will be committed to chore training. It really should not be too hard in some areas as we have been working on several things with Bowden already. This will be the official launch though. We will head out full force next Monday... which leads me to #3...

We are potty training Kailyn. Wooo Hooo, she seems quite interested this time (remember, I believe firmly in the one failed attempt approach). My goal is to have just one child in diapers from this point on, well that is until we are blessed with another little one... but hey that is in God's hands!

We are taking a break from official homeschooling - a LONG Christmas break! One of the reasons I LOVE homeschool!!!!B & I will still review letter sounds each day for a little bit but nothing hard. But I am really excited about starting up again in January. I needed to be a little more conservative this fall, just trying to get my bearings but I really feel that this second semester I will be able to fully embrace doing more of what I want to do. I am really beginning to believe I might be able to use the classical education model with my children and I know it will be fun along with really challenging and engaging for Bowden and his need for discovery.

On top of that, I get a whole week with Keith at the end of the month and there is nothing I love more than that!!! I love my husband more than words can say and I cherish the days I get to spend with him!!!!! It is my favorite week of the year! This is my favorite month of the year!!!

Deuteronomy 12:7
There, in the presence of the LORD your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the LORD your God has blessed you.

Ideas for a New Tradition?

So, throughout my life the day after Thanksgiving has ALWAYS been one of my favorites. I would always spend the day out and about - sometimes shopping, mostly just people watching and enjoying the hustle and bustle of the first official day of the Christmas season.

Having children has changed this for me. Keith, working for Dillard's, never gets that Friday off. Even working in the corporate office does not afford him such a luxury. Before we had small children, I went shopping with friends while my poor husband spent the day working. Now, however, it would cost money for me to head out and kick off the holiday season in my old fashion. Paying someone to watch the little ones while I people watch does not really seem like a wise use of resources. I have gone out a couple of times before Keith went to work (but that was to stand in line with the other crazy early bird shoppers to get some incredible deal and is not at all about my traditional ringing in of the holiday season).

So, as I have dealt with this change, I have been besieged with a certain amount of sadness. In the past this had been one of my favorite days of the year and now it just seems like any other week day. Keith gets up to go to work and I am home with the little ones.

After a bit of self pity it dawned on me that this is just a season of life & what I really need is a new tradition that reflects my season. Shopping with four small children is not a part of this season! Something that will help me and my entire family (well, Keith will still have to work) experience the joy of the first day of the Christmas season.

But what can it be?

I know what I do NOT want it to be... A CRAFT! We will do crafts pretty much every day from December 1st until Christmas and on the days we do not do a craft, we will probably bake something. I want this day to be special in a different way.

Before I was a believer, as I spent the day out and about, I was drawn in to the magic of the season not really understanding what it was all about. Now I understand. I see that this Advent season is about getting ready for the coming of the Lord - not just the celebration of His birth but the celebration that He will come again. I want this new tradition to reflect that AND be fun.


Keep in mind, I have a five year old, a soon to be four year old, a two and half year old and an eight month old to do this new tradition with. And here is the funny thing, as I sat down to write this, I was still sort of grieving the loss of my old holiday tradition but now as I come to the end of this blog, I am actually excited about starting something new - something that reflects the changes that have happened in my life and the joy of the Christmas season! I love the way God works!!!!!

So, any thoughts? What could I do with my family this Friday that would capture the magic of the Christmas season? That would become a tradtion that our family would enjoy as long as we enjoy this particular season of life? Please feel free to share! Other than that, have a happy happy Thanksgiving!

Ryen has started eating real food and LOVES it



Bowden was sitting down to enjoy looking at a toy catalog




Girls had fun playing in the leaves


So I just cannot seem to get my thoughts together enough to write a blog. To update on things I have blogged about lately... anything.... When I am not at the computer I think of all things to blog about and then I sit down and it all flies out of my head or I just cannot get it organized in a way that I think anyone would want to read!
Such is the place of motherhood I am in.

So just some things -
We have had a contractor in our house working on our rotten sub floor for over a week now. I have no idea when he will be finished. it is weird living with this man in our house. He is very nice. A true blessing from the Lord. The little ones love him. I think we will miss HIM when he is gone. We will not miss the noise or the mess.

Homeschooling is going well. And by well, I mean I have not made Bowden or myself cry for a couple of weeks. I am so grateful to have the chance to do this and I know in my heart it is the right thing. I wonder if I will ever feel confident enough to do it... I fear Bowden will always be the victim of my first time attempts at anything. I trust that God put him in this place in our family and will use my failures to do something great!

Keith and I have been dealing with the mess I made of our finances... see previous posts on confession... He is an amazing man. And it seems I am learning more and more about the effects my reckless decisions have on those around me... read previous statement about contractor... we have had several unexpected things come up that just add to the financial burden... But I love how God is providing in the middle of it all....

Life is good. I LOVE my life. I am still working on not getting frustrated with my children but I can see improvement and I am not afraid to apologize to them when I am wrong. I can feel God moving in my heart and I love that He can see the finished product. It is my desire to be shaped and molded and I know He is faithful to finish the job!!!

What's going on... not much, a whole lot!!!
We are crazy busy but it is just every day stuff. I had a moment today when I was at the librbary with Bowden when I realized how blessed I am to be able to homeschool my children. I cannot believe I am even typing this. Ten years ago I thought all homeschoolers were crazy weirdos... and yes, I might have become one of those crazy weirdos or maybe I was just wrong!
I will say, flat out, I do not think there is a better way to educate children. here is a brief list of my top reasons for homeschooling... not in any order other than hwo they popped into my head...

I get to spend the best hours of my children's day with my children... If I sent them off to school they would spend it with a teacher and then I would get the tired dregs...

We do in about an hour, what a school spends 6 hours doing (for kindergarten) then we get to go to Sam's Club and have hot dogs for lunch

We (my children, husband & I) are each other's best friends and playmates... how cool is that?

If we decide that researching what type of tree is dropping some sort of nut thing on the back deck, we can stop doing what we had planned and do it...

Thomas the train can come to school with us

No one loves my children or cares about their education as much as I do...

When we need a break we can get up and run around and be as loud as we want ... we have recess whenever we NEED it....

For those of you who say "I could never homeschool" or "Thankfully God is not calling me to it..." or, like me just think all those homeschooling moms are NUTS, I really just challenge you to stop and think about it for a while.... Your children will really only be young for a short time... If you know how to read, you ARE smart enough to homeschool your children.... What an incredible time I get to spend with them during these years... 20 years from now, I will have plenty of time to go for lunches with my friends & pursue my own interests... my house will be quiet and neat, grocery trips will be quiet and boring and I will long for the crazy days of days past!
I am truly blessed!!!!!

7 Wonderful years

8 years ago God brought and amazing man into my life and on this day, 7 years ago - I became his wife.

My lover is mine and I am his;
he browses among the lilies.
Song of Solomon 2:16

It was cold and rainy - not like this beautiful day we are enjoying today. We were younger and probably had a lot more energy than we do now. I was a whole lot skinnier! My heart was at peace. I was filled with joy. It was a lot easier to sit down and write a blog (as I did not have a five year old interupting!!!)

So much has changed. And it has gotten SO MUCH better. That day was perfect in every way that it could be. But I knew that it was just a beginning. I did not want it to be the best day of our lives. I wanted it to be a great start to the rest of our life together.

God blessed me with an incredible man. A man who seeks after God, every day. He is not perfect. He makes mistakes. But he continually seeks after God and he loves me and he loves our children. I love Keith more today than I did that day seven years ago. I enjoy spending time with him even more now than I did back then. In fact I actually treasure it so much more now because it is so much harder to come by seeing as our family has grown so quickly!

He is my best friend. He is my soul mate. I thank God every day for blessing me with a Godly man to lead our family and to love each of us just as God made us!!!!

Growing

So part of the reality of a confession is to grow and move past the issues that have caused you to sin in the first place. And although I talked about three areas in my life that I am struggling with last time and I am very concerned about my struggle with money and food, it is my struggle with my children that grieves me the most.
But here is the thing about God, sin, secrets and satan. As long as satan can convince you told hold your sin and secrets to your chest, he can keep you from truly seeking help and revelation. He keeps you from growing past what it is that keeps you locked in that sin.
Yesterday we were getting ready to go to the park to play. The little ones were acting crazy (excited to go... being their age). I got frustrated at being ignored and I could feel myself filling up with anger. I threw a toy down and stomped out of the room, crying. Keith followed me and we talked for a couple of minutes. I was unable to express to him what I was feeling and he was unable to understand what I was going through. I told him that we should just head to the park and we could talk there. I was feeling calmer and I wanted the little ones to have the fun time promised.

We headed off to the park and were having a nice time when Evynn fell and hurt her nose (she is fine now and I will not go into all that for sake of time). Keith and I decided we should take her to Children's to get it checked out.
As we were driving there (after dropping two off at Jennifer's) he and I had a chance to talk and really began to understand each other.
Here is what I have been thinking - there are two areas that I struggle with –

One, feeling like if I do not teach them to obey immediately and right now (I mean while they are young) they will grow up to be disobedient adults who cannot function & follow God's will for their lives and…

Two, that when I get mad at them it scars them for life. Every time I lose my temper and yell at my children, I feel that it is going to causing permanent damage.

I understand that they are going to act like little children. THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE. But the burden of believing I must see the results of training “them up” right now coupled with the belief that I am ruining them every time I raise my voice in frustration is overwhelming me. It is a pretty heavy burden to bear and one that my husband pointed out as wrong. I feel like that one moment is going to damage them for all eternity. First because I have obviously NOT trained them well and second because I got mad and yelled at them. My frustration that I feel does not have anything to do with them. It has to do with me.

I struggle with this burden every day. I mean, really, I do not spend all day yelling at my children. We actually have a lot of fun together. But I am so convinced that any moment disobedience followed by my "losing it" and yelling at them is going to cause permanent damage that I when I do lose it, I spiral. I get frustrated with myself, and then my focus is no longer on God and the Holy Spirit (and let's be honest, the only way to get through parenting with any amount of calmness is through the Holy Spirit).

So that is it, satan has won that battle. He has taken my focus away from God and turned it on to myself. Then I tend to get more frustrated and yell more, feeling more guilty, more condemning, more frustration, more yelling, more guilt... you see where this is going.

So yesterday, BECAUSE I AM NO LONGER KEEPING SECRETS, Keith exposed the lies I was telling myself.

Who would not feel enormous amounts of pressure, thinking EVERY mistake will be life ruining? For the first time, HE UNDERSTOOD why I was feeling so crazy about this. We were able to identify it and attack satan's lies through prayer!

Today, at the end of church we sang a beautiful song about how much God loves us and as I sang, I was actually brought to my knees, overwhelmed by His love. Overwhelmed by the reality that is actually feels good to be broken by Him. These last few days have been hard. It is hard to let down the people who love you the most. It is hard to really look at behaviors, label them and attack them. It is hard to be exposed. But is also feels really good. The other thing about secrets is that you get so caught up in them that you can no longer focus on the One who loves us the most . These are the words from that song and I am struck by the first line... He is jealous for me... He wants all my attention, all my love... He does not want me to get all caught up in manufactured drama...



He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

And we are His portion and
He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
And Heaven meets Earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets When I think about, the way...