I have had a lot on my mind lately. So much that I am not sure I could do it all justice trying to blog about it.
It seems that lately there has been a lot of people talking about people judging other people. A lot of women feeling judged by others about decisions they make – private schoolers vs. public schoolers, homeschoolers vs both; working moms vs. stay at home moms; Mother’s day out vs. those who stay home all day, every day. The list could go on and on.
This subject is SO deep and SO layered.
I could talk about the reality that we misuse and misunderstand what it means to judge someone – in Biblical terms. Disagreeing with someone about how they are going to educate their children is certainly not telling them that they are going to hell. It is certainly not questioning their salvation. But this is not where I am feeling led to take this.
I could talk about the reality that the Epistles are letters written by Paul talking to the different churches about their positive behaviors AND their negative ones. Paul does not mince words. When he sees sin, he calls fellow believers to the mat and asks them to make a change in that behavior. But again, that is not where I am feeling led to go with this.
What has really been swirling around in my head over the past few weeks, as people have cried out that other believers would stop judging them, is the need for every believer to be involved in a community of believers.
Now what exactly does this mean? I mean, hey, I go to church every Sunday. I say hi to hundreds of others believers every time I walk through our ginormous building. I even ask them how they are doing. Does it matter that I rarely stop to REALLY hear the answer? That is community, isn’t it?
And isn’t community getting together at the park with my friends a few times a month so the little ones can play and we can talk? I mean, I do not ever talk to them about the fact that I am struggling with spending too much or yelling at my children. I never really share with them how lost I am feeling or that I often wonder what happened to my life after I had children. But hey, that is community, isn’t it?
Here is the thing though – THAT IS NOT COMMUNITY. That is a shallow superficial imitation. And you have believed a giant lie from satan if you believe that to be community.
The Lord has blessed me with three of the most incredible people. My husband and my two best girlfriends are amazing. These are Godly people with whom I can share everything that is going on in my life and my heart. They speak truth to me and they call me on it when I am walking in sin. We are transparent with each other. I cannot tell you how many people have commented to me that they wished that they could have a marriage or friendship like the ones I have been blessed with. But here is the thing. It takes work. It is not easy. And sometimes it is downright uncomfortable. Our pastor recently made a comment that everyone desires to have relationships like this. I am not sure if I completely agree with him. I do believe that God puts in each of us a deep desire for transparent relationships but I think our human, sin nature has completely buried that desire with the fear of being known.
There are a lot of people who really do not want this transparent relationship. I know this because my two best friends, my husband & I often offer it to others and we are often rejected. As soon as things get too real, as soon as the friendship gets to the point where some junk may fall out of the closet, that door gets closed. The reality is people do not want to be transparent with others because they run the risk having to deal with the junk that they either are afraid of or that they really do not want to give up. So instead of running that risk, they just keep people at a distance. Our culture has taught us that life is about ease and we are certainly not going to choose to be a part of a friendship that takes work.
So what does this have to do with judging? God is very clear in calling us to surround ourselves with other believers, other believers who read the Bible. Why? Perhaps it is because He knows life is hard, He knows that satan prowls like a lion looking to devour us (you know who lions go after when chasing a herd…. the stragglers, the ones who are off alone, by themselves). Perhaps He knows that there is safety in numbers. Perhaps He knows when we surround ourselves with believers who look FIRST to the Bible (not the latest Beth Moore or Max Lucado book) for guidance, the Holy Spirit will be right there giving us guidance and leading us in the direction that brings only glory to our God.
Transparent community does not mean you just finally give in to the church’s call to join a small group. It means you open yourself up and share with those people. It means you throw all your junk on the table and you listen while others throw their junk out too. You listen, you pray and you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit. It means you listen when people ask why you are making a decision and you share with them as to how God led you to that decision. It means if your skin begins to crawl and anger creeps into your gut when they question you, you head back to the word of God to confirm that you aren’t being fooled by satan or by your own wants and desires but you are really following God’s will for your family. After all, these people with whom you have shared your life with are also truly seeking God and hearing that same Holy Spirit and maybe they have not let emotions cloud their hearing.
So here is my thing about judging – the next time you are feeling judged by someone, ask yourself if you have allowed yourself to be a part of a truly, transparent community of Bible reading believers. If you have, and these people are questioning something you are doing, maybe you should stop feeling judged and head back to the word of God to see if they are seeing something you are not. And if you are not surrounded by a truly transparent community of Bible reading believers, quit complaining, repent to God that you have not followed His command in this area and pray that He will bring some people into your life that you can trust with your junk.
