Anyone who really knows me, knows that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Little House on the Prairie...  the show, the books, the musical.  I love it all.  While getting my degree in history I focused most of my attention in 18th and 19th century American history.    So, as a stay at home mom, I often have moments where I  will think of Ma and what her life was like and realize my life is pretty cushy!  This morning was one of those moments.  Without trying to share TMI,  breakfast was wrapping up and three of us needed to use the bathroom.  I went up to our room, leaving Kailyn and Ryen at the table.  I giggle as B & E headed to the other two bathrooms, grateful that we had three bathrooms.  Then it hit me - what did Ma do with her little babies when she had to go to the bathroom?

Just the other day, I was at our church when several of us had to go to the bathroom - including myself.  I had Ryen but there was no stroller to put her in.  So I picked the least used restroom in our ginormous building and set her on the floor while I went.  What else was I supposed to do with her?  I would NEVER have done that at McDonald's but I happen to know our church is very clean.  Of course, when I did it another mom followed me into the bathroom and caught me leaving my one year old daughter on the floor!  Nice...

Anyway, what did Ma do when she needed to go potty?  I mean sure, the Ma of the TV show would just leave Mary or Laura in charge of baby Cary or Grace.  But what about the REAL Ma?  When Mary and Laura WERE the little babies?  Did she just carry them to the outhouse with her?  Moms of our generation joke and complain all the time about just wanting to pee by ourselves all the time but how did it work when there was no fancy indoor plumbing?

So this led my thinking a little deeper.  Anyone who has read the LHOTP books knows they are filled with the day to day doings of life.  These women were busy from the minute they woke up in the morning until they laid their heads down to sleep.  Each season was filled with the daily tasks of living,  getting ready for the next season, taking care of family....  They were busy ALL THE TIME and there was no zoloft!

These people were busy every minute of the day and I do not think their pastors were preaching about the dangers of "busyness".  There were not book stores filled with books on how to deal with the evils of a busy life.  There were not blogs upon blogs urging women to cut back on their crazy schedules.  They were busy because they had to be.  They were busy with surviving.  And I do not believe they were any less busy than we are today.  I do not have ANY stats to back this up - but I do believe that the depression that is rampant in our culture today is a relatively new phenomenon.    We hear about how "stressed" out everyone is from all they have to do and this causes depression. 

I look back at what life has been like throughout the world over through all of time and I just do not get it.  We are stressed out over getting our children to swim lessons and AWANA.  We are stressed out about having to go to two birthday parties in one day.  We are stressed out about making our yard look pretty.  Less than two hundred years ago, the busyness that filled people's lives had a purpose.  If you did not get the corn in at the right time, your family did not eat next winter.  If you did not get the wood cut, your family froze next winter.  They were busy doing things that MATTERED and I do believe that this makes a huge difference.  I suspect there is a sense of enormous satisfaction when you bring in the corn that will nourish your family for the next year.  It probably trumped any depression you felt in the pressure to get the corn planted in the first place.

I am NOT trying to make light of depression here.  I do think it is very serious and people who suffer from it need help.  I suffered from it deeply in my early 20s.  Nor am I trying to romanticize the lives of early Americans.  Life was hard and filled with disappointment, early deaths, hard labor.  But I think what I am feeling today is that we need to find a way to fill our lives with things that matter. 

Things that matter to life. 

Driving through McDonald's is an easy way to feed my family but it certainly does NOT give me the sense of accomplishment that I get when I MAKE them something healthy. 

I am not really sure where I am going with this except to say, life has ALWAYS been busy.  It just seems like today, we have filled our lives up with busyness that does not matter. 

At one point in my life, someone commented to me that I always seem tired.  There seemed to be some condemnation in that comment in regards to the life Keith and I have chosen to follow, having as many children as God would choose to bless us with.   I have thought of that often.  I am tired.  A LOT.  VERY TIRED.  But it is a good tired.  It is a GREAT tired.    Sometimes it is a cranky tired but I have noticed that it is usually the crankiest when I have chosen to fill my life with the business of things that do not matter in the matters of LIFE.   Going to this, doing that - focusing all my time, attention and energy on things that may be fun but have nothing to do with survival tend to drain me in a cranky way.  They are fun at the time, in small doses but a day (or days) filled with them drain me and make me cranky tired.  Doing for my family, cooking, cleaning, schooling - they may not be glamourus or as much fun - but there is a sense of satisfaction that leaves me feeling satisfied tired.  Does that make sense?

Let's be honest, God created us to work -
Genesis 1:27-29 says
Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
 ²⁷ So God created man in his own image,
       in the image of God he created him;
       male and female he created them.
 ²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
 ²⁹ Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. ³⁰ And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so.


We were created to work 6 days a week and rest 1 day.  In our era of convenience food, appliances and the internet we have mixed up what is work, what is life giving and what is fun.  I cannot tell you how many mothers I hear complaining about taking their children to this activity or that.  They are "tired, stressed out" from all they "have" to do.    We have taken the blessings of modern conveniences and turned them into the curse of having too much time.  We were made to work, so we are not satisfied sitting around doing nothing.  So what do we do with our time?  We fill it with stuff that gives us no sense of accomplishment and end up stressed and depressed.

I have no clever ending here.  These were just thoughts that have been in my head.  I just think that God clearly created us to work most of the time - do you think he knew that we would find that work to be the stuff of life giving satisfaction?  He created us to rest one day - do you think he knew that if we tired to fill our lives with too much "fun" that the fun would no longer be fun but would just create stress and dissatisfaction?

So year one of homeschooling is winding down.  Bowden finished kindergarten at Homeschool Academy this week.  In case you are wondering, HSA is a one day a week program for homeschoolers.  I am not really sure how the older grades work, but I found that the K class was a great place for Bowden to get to play with other little boys and do some fun crafts along with other really cool things that I cannot od did not do with him.  HSA gives me a break one day to take a Bible Study at church (the girls go to childcare there) and has been so much fun this year both for Bowden and for me in seeing and hearing about all he does there.

I have about three weeks left until I have finished all that I want to do.  Does that mean there will be no school for the summer?  No.  I will spend a short bit of time several days a week reviewing what we learned over this year.

Some interesting things that came out of this most challenging and rewarding year?


- Sometimes we all cry while doing school
- While each child craves individual attention from Mommy, the girls just want to do school with mommy sooo badly and Bowden (who gets to do school) would really rather I play trains or do a craft with him
-Bowden LOVES LOVES LOVES math, which I find ironic because I am so bad bad bad at math!  I am actually excited about relearning it
-I really prefer to get school done in the morning, even if it means dealing with all three girls than waiting until naptime, I just like knowing it is done
-There is nothing like your child reading his first sentence to you and knowing you taught him that!
-Bowden still has a LONG way to go with reading but he is getting there
- Perhaps my best moment came this past week when my entire attitude shifted after I decided to feed them all cheerios for lunch at the table, buried under books, crayons, paper & coloring books and I realized that if I would quit trying to be the Martha Stewart of homeschoolers I would be a whole lot happier!
-I am so happy that I have the privilege of homeschooling my children!  I cannot imagine doing anything else!

So I was out in the yard gardening with my children this morning and I was thinking about God and sin.  It is an easy path to go on while pulling weeds!  Last year, we dumped a TON of mulch on our flower beds and we had a lot less weeds through the entire season than we have already had up to now.  The mulch just made it impossible for the weeds to even start to grow.  Isn't the word of God just like that?  The more time we spend in it, the less likely sin is going to take root.  I have talked before about how I want my house to drip with Jesus, now I am thinking that I need to smother sin with a thick blanket of God's word!  I also noticed that some of the weeds were really easy to pull out, their roots were shallow and with just a tiny tug, they were gone.  There were a few, though, that were much harder to get out.  if I just tugged on the top, the roots would remain - just like those deeply rooted sins in my life - if I do not get in there with a shovel and dig it out, that sin will just grow back. 

Bowden was helping me pulls weeds today.  My children have played a large roll in helping me see and get rid of the weeds in my life.  They are the flowers and the weeds of sin will choke them out if I do not get rid of them!  At one point, Bowden pulled up a rather large "weed"" and asked me what it was.  I told him it was a tree seedling.  Oh the tears that spilled down his precious cheeks!  I tried to explain to him that even though it technically was not a weed, we still needed to pull it from the garden.  If we let it stay, it would grow too big and choke out everything else.  This has been a big issue in my life lately.  There are a lot of good things in my life that maybe no longer have a place in my garden.  If I let them remain, they will overwhlem and kill all the other things.

At one point, Bowden and I noticed a plant that had a sort of grassy weed growing up through it.  As I pulled the weeds out from the plant, I realized that some of the plant was going to have to come up with it.  How many times in my life have I allowed sin to crop up in my life and it ends up hurting those around me?  Getting rid of the sin took time and left those I care about hurt in the wake of it.

As I moved from the front side of the flower beds to the back I noticed a very telling sign about me - I tend to really just work on the part of the beds that people can most readily see.  There were a lot more weeds in the backside (and our backyard gets even less attention).  How true is this in my life as a whole?  How often do I take care of things on the surface so people think I have it together?  I tell myself I will get to the backside or the backyard later - when I have time - but as long as what most people can see looks good that is all that matters.  Maybe that is why God makes it clear that we are to live in close community with others- it is in this close community that people really see what is going on in your life.  They see your weeds and this makes you more likely to pulls them!

There is nothing too deep or profound here.  Just a morning in the garden reminding me that if I sit back for even a day, not spending time in God's word, not pulling the sin out of my life as soon as I see it, my garden will soon be overwhelmed and the things I care about will suffer!

It is Monday and Sunday has already happened

Okay, so this blog is a day late... but hey, I have four children, 5 and under and I am homeschooling....  give me a little break!!!!

So it is Monday and Sunday has happened.  For my Christ following friends, I wonder, what does this mean to you? 

We had an incredible Holy Week.    I did a special devotional with the children every morning talking about Christ's journey into Jerusalem and His week there.  We hung palm branches in the family room.  Keith continued to lead our family in the nightly Bible study that we always do.  We went to the Good Friday service at our church and shared a special time with our children.   On Saturday, we did the Resurrection Eggs with the family and was able to see some real understanding as to what Christ endured for us by our children.  Kailyn (our 2 year old) even told us John 3:16 without any prompting.  Sunday was another awesome day at church and then we closed it out the week celebrating with our wonderful adopted families the Sathianathans and the Wilsons.  Our minds and our hearts were focused on Christ the entire week and we could feel His Spirit among us.

So now it is Monday.  Just a plain old Monday.  Christ has died and He has risen.  The season for celebration has past us and there will be no "major" Christian celebrations for another 9 months. 

Did you hear His whispers this week? 

Do you hear Him calling? 

Did He get your attention?

Because I know He caught mine.  As a family, our attention was on Him, all week.  Every chance Keith & I had, we were bringing it back to God, back to Christ and back to the gift of salvation we celebrate during this week.  And what were the results?  Children who clearly understood what Easter was really about.  Children who learned God's word.  It has been written upon their hearts. 

But one week is NOT enough. 

I certainly cannot be expecting my church or Awana to fulfill this momentous task.  God has called Keith and I to train up our children to know Him.  He has called us to write His word on their hearts (see Duet. 6).  Our house was dripping with Jesus last week.  My children were soaked in His Word, in His love and we saw the rewards of that. 

How can I write the Word of God on my children's hearts if there are off at school all day surrounded by people who may not believe in God and are not allowed to share about Him even if they do?  How can I write God on their hearts if I am constantly running around, filling our time with activities that are more about giving me a break than teaching my children about God?

Keith has done a beautiful job of bringing our family into the word every night.  But this Holy Week has shown me that even this is not enough.  Children will become what they hear and see every day all day.  What I do with my children during the day is just as important as what we do with them as a family at night. 

I look around this world and I see heartbreak and sadness.  I see children bullying other children to the point of suicide.  I hear stories of 11 year olds hanging themselves.  We read about children bringing guns to school.  Girls get pregnant to have a baby who will love them (pardon me while I stop to laugh and cry here at the sad ignorance of this belief...).  Just as many "Christian" marriages end in divorce as non-Christian.  I certainly do not believe that I can save my children from all heartache and pain.  I know that they will face many hard times as they grow up.  But two things scream out to me here-

1.  I certainly need to prepare them for how to deal with pain and heartbreak and knowing the one true God is the only way to do that.

and

2.  I do not want my family to look anything like this culture. 

So, as Christians, on this Monday, this Monday that follows that oh so important Sunday, I ask you - what are we afraid of?  Why do we try to keep one foot in this culture?  Why are we so afraid of "looking different"?  We send our children mixed messages every time we make  decision that puts God's Word aside and chooses the cultural norm instead.  Following God's path may be harder - in fact I think it is ALWAYS harder.  I am probably the worst homeschooling mom there is....  I have a short temper and a propensity to yell.  But every time I do yell and I have to apologize, God humbles me a little more and makes me more like Him, and isn't THAT the point?  That we look more like Jesus and not everyone else? 

So Jesus spoke to me this week.  Our home, our lives need to drip with Jesus every day - not just in the days prior to a major Christian holiday.  We need to be in His world all day, every day in everything we do.  And here is the thing - last week, when we were soaked through and through with the living water - I was the homeschooling mom I so desire to be.  I was patient and kind.   I was focused on helping my children and not advancing my own agenda.  My selfishness took a backseat in my heart.  It had to, there was no room for it as the front seat was filled with Jesus.  Funny how it works that way.

I have had a lot on my mind lately.  So much that I am not sure I could do it all justice trying to blog about it.   

 It seems that lately there has been a lot of people talking about people judging other people.  A lot of women feeling judged by others about decisions they make – private schoolers vs. public schoolers, homeschoolers vs both; working moms vs. stay at home moms; Mother’s day out vs. those who stay home all day, every day.  The list could go on and on.   

This subject is SO deep and SO layered. 

I could talk about the reality that we misuse and misunderstand what it means to judge someone – in Biblical terms.  Disagreeing with someone about how they are going to educate their children is certainly not telling them that they are going to hell.  It is certainly not questioning their salvation.  But this is not where I am feeling led to take this. 

I could talk about the reality that the Epistles are letters written by Paul talking to the different churches about their positive behaviors AND their negative ones.  Paul does not mince words.  When he sees sin, he calls fellow believers to the mat and asks them to make a change in that behavior.  But again, that is not where I am feeling led to go with this. 

What has really been swirling around in my head over the past few weeks, as people have cried out that other believers would stop judging them, is the need for every believer to be involved in a community of believers. 

Now what exactly does this mean?  I mean, hey, I go to church every Sunday.  I say hi to hundreds of others believers every time I walk through our ginormous building.  I even ask them how they are doing.  Does it matter that I rarely stop to REALLY hear the answer?  That is community, isn’t it?

And isn’t community getting together at the park with my friends a few times a month so the little ones can play and we can talk?  I mean, I do not ever talk to them about the fact that I am struggling with spending too much or yelling at my children.  I never really share with them how lost I am feeling or that I often wonder what happened to my life after I had children.  But hey, that is community, isn’t it?

Here is the thing though – THAT IS NOT COMMUNITY.  That is a shallow superficial imitation.   And you have believed a giant lie from satan if you believe that to be community.

The Lord has blessed me with three of the most incredible people.  My husband and my two best girlfriends are amazing.  These are Godly people with whom I can share everything that is going on in my life and my heart.  They speak truth to me and they call me on it when I am walking in sin.    We are transparent with each other.    I cannot tell you how many people have commented to me that they wished that they could have a marriage or friendship like the ones I have been blessed with.  But here is the thing.  It takes work.  It is not easy.  And sometimes it is downright uncomfortable.  Our pastor recently made a comment that everyone desires to have relationships like this.  I am not sure if I completely agree with him.  I do believe that God puts in each of us a deep desire for transparent relationships but I think our human, sin nature has completely buried that desire with the fear of being known.

There are a lot of people who really do not want this transparent relationship.  I know this because my two best friends, my husband  & I often offer it to others and we are often rejected.  As soon as things get too real, as soon as the friendship gets to the point where some junk may fall out of the closet, that door gets closed.    The reality is people do not want to be transparent with others because they run the risk having to deal with the junk that they either are afraid of or that they really do not want to give up.  So instead of running that risk, they just keep people at a distance.   Our culture has taught us that life is about ease and we are certainly not going to choose to be a part of a friendship that takes work.

So what does this have to do with judging?  God is very clear in calling us to surround ourselves with other believers, other believers who read the Bible.  Why?  Perhaps it is because He knows life is hard, He knows that satan prowls like a lion looking to devour us (you know who lions go after when chasing a herd….  the stragglers, the ones who are off alone, by themselves).  Perhaps He knows that there is safety in numbers.  Perhaps He knows when we surround ourselves with believers who look FIRST to the Bible (not the latest Beth Moore or Max Lucado book) for guidance, the Holy Spirit will be right there giving us guidance and leading us in the direction that brings only glory to our God. 

Transparent community does not mean you just finally give in to the church’s call to join a small group.  It means you open yourself up and share with those people.  It means you throw all your junk on the table and you listen while others throw their junk out too.  You listen, you pray and you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  It means you listen when people ask why you are making a decision and you share with them as to how God led you to that decision.    It means if your skin begins to crawl and anger creeps into your gut when they question you, you head back to the word of God to confirm that you aren’t being fooled by satan or by your own wants and desires but you are really following God’s will for your family.  After all, these people with whom you have shared your life with are also truly seeking God and hearing that same Holy Spirit and maybe they have not let emotions cloud their hearing.

So here is my thing about judging – the next time you are feeling judged by someone, ask yourself if you have allowed yourself to be a part of a truly, transparent community of Bible reading believers.  If you have, and these people are questioning something you are doing, maybe you should stop feeling judged and head back to the word of God to see if they are seeing something you are not.  And if you are not surrounded by a truly transparent community of Bible reading believers, quit complaining, repent to God that you have not followed His command in this area and pray that He will bring some people into your life that you can trust with your junk.

Not long ago, one of Evynn's barbie doll's dresses ripped.  So this doll has been meandering around our house quite naked.  My sweet little four year old convinced me that we "needed" to go get her a new outfit and I have to say, this undertaking has left me quite shocked. 

We went to Toys R Us first.  As I wandered through the Barbie aisle, I was saddened to see that they did not have a lot for the wonder doll to wear - maybe three or four different outfits.  I remember going to Toy City when I was young and Barbie had hundreds of outfits to choose from.  Poor Barbie must be feeling the pinch of tough economic times as well.  As I looked at the four choices, I was rather shocked.  The choices were either some sort of professional uniform (doctor,  flight attendant) or what I will call Immodest Barbie.  Then I turned around and saw a huge display of dolls all wearing black dresses.  they were apparently made by some famous designor.   As I looked at them I was a tad overwhelmed - these dolls were far beyond immodest - they were slutty.  Short, short skirts and v - necks cut down to the belly button.  And yes, I know I am prone to exaggeration but really, they were THAT bad.

We left Toys For Us (Bowden's nickname) without a dress for poor Naked Barbie and went to Target a few days later.  What I found there was just as saddening.  The giant display for Slutty Barbie, in her "gotta have it" little black dress, was front a center & there was the same small selection of doll outfits to choose from - work clothes or I guess what people would call "going out" clothes.

So this is what we tell our little girls - pick a profession and work hard all day and then spend your evenings going out half naked.  When I was little, my barbies had sundresses and play clothes.  They had active wear and wedding dresses. 

I do not know, it all made me rather sad.  I am not saying that barbie was always the picture of modesty but I do not remember her being quite so slutty.  I am just a little sad about it all.

This is a post I made to my old blog about a year ago...  It just seemed relevant today for some people in my life...  The funny thing is, I cannot even remember who I was mad at when I wrote this!!!!  I love God and how He works.  I am sure at the time, I would have believed that I would be angry at the person for a long time and now forgiveness has freed me up from the burden!!!

Here is one of the things I LOVE about God!  He ALWAYS finds me right where I am.  I have had an issue with forgiving someone and this morning before church I was having breakfast with Keith, and our friends Jennifer and Rajeeve.  I asked them to pray for me that I would work through my unforgiveness.  I knew that all three would pray for me but even as I asked them, my heart was still holding on to the desire to get even, to make this person hurt as much as they had hurt me. 


Here is the thing about unforgiveness, it consumes you and your thoughts.  You spend all your time thinking of witty comebacks and hurtful things and you end up missing all the wonderful things that are going on in your life.

I really believe that unforgiveness is one of satan's sharpest and most used tools.

It robs joy from every aspect of our lives and fills our hearts with darkness.

And the ironic thing about it all, is as we spend all our mental energy planning what sassy thing we can say to strike at the hearts of the offenders, then person who hurt our  feelings just lives their life, oblivious to all that is going on.  Unforgiveness really just hurts the person who has already been hurt.....

So we walked into the service at church and there were the communion tables, all set up and pretty.  I sighed and looked at Keith and said, "I can't take communion while I am still so mad."

 Keith:  "Well, you better get over it then!"

So we had a wonderful worship and I was just overwhelmed with just how much God loves me.  We had a great message (not related to this but awesome) and then it was time for communion.  And what song do they play? 

Amazing Grace. 

It is hard to sing the words of that song...think about the awesome sacrifice that Jesus made for us...think about all the really bad things I do every day... think about the forgiveness that I experience every day due to His sacrifice and be petty about some off handed comment.

My heart sings for joy at all God teaches me every day.  My heart sings for joy at the freedom I have to forgive.  My heart sings for joy that I have been forgiven.