It is raining today, cold, gray and rainy. Not very merry weather, especially when you have a few last minute errands with four small children in tow! There is one and a half days left until Christmas! So, as we jetted down to The OC (to pick up my diaper bag I left at Jennifer's house on Monday) and back to Fresh Market (to get gravy because we are true Arkansans now and always fry our turkey & there is no gravy with that... oh let's be honest, I CANNOT make gravy in my best dreams... but I am getting way off topic here... sorry), the little ones and I were rocking out to Christmas music, trying to not get bogged down in the soppy weather.

My children are just about beside themselves with excitement right now. Since there are no family members local, gifts have been arriving for a couple of weeks now. They are wrapped up and under the tree, enticing them to stand in the living room, around the tree - speculating as to what could be in them. We have spent quite a bit of time explaining the difference between Christmas TIME and Christmas DAY.

Advent has been a time of excitement and anticipation for us. But I do not live in a delusional world that my 5, 4, 2 1/2 and 9 month old will really get the true depth of how important the birth of Christ is to all of mankind. I do, however, really want them to experience the excitement of anticipating something and then the joy of seeing that promise come to fruition.

As I was driving today, I realized that this is the first Christmas I have really experienced that myself in the eight years since my father died unexpectedly on Christmas morning. Tears come to my eyes even as I type this, but that is not what this blog is about. I have been reading a Christmas devotional that expands on what the people involved in the Christmas Story must have been experiencing and this has really opened up my eyes to some things.

Just as we wait and prepare for Christmas day, so were the Jews of old. The prophets of the Old Testament had promised a savior, The Messiah. He would come and bring peace, he would release the yoke of oppression, he would rescue them. The Israelites waited millenniums for Him. Imagine the anticipation and excitement that they must have felt, wondering when that important gift would come. I love the idea that the Advent season can give us just a tiny taste of that season of waiting & wondering. Of course, we know when and how it turns out but watching it through my children's eyes has really given me a new perspective, this short month somehow mimics what the Israelites experienced so long ago...

Christmas time comes upon us with a bang in our house the weekend after Thanksgiving. We play carols, buy our tree and decorate it along with every other surface in our house. Right off the bat, our little ones know that day when the wonderful presents will be here is just around the corner. I imagine the Isrealites were pretty excited when the prophecies for the Messiah were first made known. A Savior for all mankind would come and make things right. The anticipation must have been thick in the air.

But it is not even December yet, so the excitement for the coming day is tempered with the realities of daily living. There is still school to complete. Daddy still has to go to work. Chores have to be done. The promise of Christmas is still everywhere. We do crafts, bake and lite Advents candles while reading Scriptures every night. But the day seems a long way off and after a few days, the initial exuberance is morphed into an undercurrent of excited anticipation. I believe it was four hundred years between the last book of the Old Testament and the coming of The Messiah. There was a lot of life to be lived in that interim but I am sure that there was always an undercurrent of anticipation, waiting for God's promise to come to fruition. My children are a lot like this. Beyond our Advent calendar and paper chain, they really have no idea when that magical day will come. They wake up every morning asking if today is the day they get to open their presents. Anticipation builds but being so young, they really have no idea how long they will have to wait!

So here we are, less than two day until we will experience the joy of getting gifts we do not deserve. We have all been naughty but we are getting presents and we are excited. I imagine the people in Mary and Joseph's life who knew the prophecies and understood what was happening were feeling a bit like my children - not really believing that they get to be a part of something so special, not really understanding how it is all coming to fruiting in one glorious moment but knowing that the time is upon us.

So this is where the similarities really end. I am sure there will be no angel choirs singing to my children on Christmas morning, the toys will bring happiness and I am sure we will all have a lot of fun; nothing, however, compared to the joy of looking upon the face of God as He laid in the manger. That is okay though. If each year can give Keith & I the chance to teach them just a little bit more about the true gift of Christmas, then that is all that matters!

Naughty or Nice

First, before you decide that I am a nut, please understand that I am all about celebrating Christmas with all its' trappings! A blog (http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=1270) gave the best thoughts on this I have ever read. I am going to paraphrase but I really recommend going to the site and reading it yourself... Christians really should go all out in celebrating Christmas. We understand the truth of what The Gift was all about. That baby brought to earth the gift of salvation and eternal life, the abundant life. As Christians, we should be all about having a great big party to celebrate this. We should decorate, give gifts and have a great feast (the Old Testament is all about feasts!). Throughout it all, we need to be celebrating the The Gift. When we make Christ the center of the celebration, there is nothing wrong with having a big celebration.

With that said though, there is a part of the Christmas celebration that has been weighing heavy on my heart & it is represented in the Elf on the Shelf. I had an elf on my shelf. As I looked at it each day, thoughts just kept pricking at me. Whether you are a follower of Jesus Christ or not, there is something about this elf that creates issues for parents that cannot be denied. It may seem like holiday fun but as he looked at me each day from a new location around my house, I realized he represented deeper issues.

As far as training children, the first and most important thing every parenting expert and layman alike talks about is consistency. If you want your children to obey than you must be consistent. If you say something, than you must follow through. Once the child realizes that mom and dad do not really mean what they say (or that they do not mean it until the third, or fourth, or fifth time...) than any hope for true obedience is lost.

So let's talk about this whole naughty or nice thing. Children hear nothing else from Thanksgiving on other than "be good or Santa will not bring you any presents". And now there is this little elf that sits around the house, ready to let Santa know about any naughtiness that may be going on, ready to make sure naughty little ones will get no gifts.

Really? I mean. REALLY? Have you ever denied your children Christmas presents because he/she was naughty? Sure, I have heard a tale or two of someone getting coal in their stalking. I have never heard of a child getting absolutely nothing due to naughty behavior. And let's be honest - all children are naughty in one way or another & even if we only count the time between Thanksgiving & Christmas, I feel fairly certain most, if not every child, would be gettin' nuthin' for Christmas!

And really, what does naughty mean? Children will take this vague term & run wild with it.

Does pushing brother down count as naughty.... nope. COOL!

Does stealing sister's toys count....nope. Even more cool!

How about speaking rudely to mommy?

Not doing my chores....

Acting out at school....

Little ones will try to get away with as much as we will let them and once they figure out that the naughty/nice thing is not really set in stone, it really offers little behavior control and simply teaches our children that mommy and daddy do not mean what they say. So if you are ready to tell you children exactly what you mean by "naughty" and then enforce it without fail, by all means put that elf on your shelf & enjoy it. I struggle enough on my own enforcing the hard realities of discipline. I certainly do not need to set myself up for the reality that one (or more) of my children will be naughty, forcing me to deny them the joy of Christmas morning in order to abide by the most important principle of parenting - consistency.

This leads me to the bigger issue of the naughty/nice debate if you are a follower of Jesus Christ. As I looked at that elf on my shelf, it dawned on me that everything the elf represents goes against everything this incredible celebration is about -

Romans 5:8 tells us "While we were still sinners, Christ dies for us..."

God did not sit in heaven and say "If you are nice, I will send my Son." If we were nice, we would not have needed His son. He sent the gift of His Son because HE LOVES US. Just like we give Christmas gifts to our children even when they have been naughty BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM.

Naughty & Nice has cluttered up this holiday. And there are a lot of Christian families who have gotten caught up in that clutter. God loves us. Experiencing His love ignites the fire of obedience. Sure, that elf on my shelf may inspire short term obedience from my children but that obedience will last only as long as the desire for the toy lasts. However, it certainly does not teach our children ANYTHING about God's love. As believers, that is what we should be teaching our children during Christmas. It is not about obedience. It is about LOVE.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16

As a parent, I have taken this incredible Gift and used the celebration of it to teach my children bad theology. God's Gift is not about how good we can be... God's Gift came because HE LOVES US, even while we are unlovable. And if I think that this little bit of holiday fun will not shape them and the way they think, I am just lying to myself.

How about I spend this Christmas season telling my children about the MIRACLE that God sent His Son even though no one deserved it?

How about I spend this Christmas season letting my children experience the true joy of anticipating the coming gifts without fear of not getting them because they just weren't good enough?

How about I spend the Christmas season disciplining my children just as I always do, instead of relying on an empty threat seemingly enforced by a little stuffed toy? A read through the Old Testament shows us that God disciplined the Israelites while they waited for the gift of the messiah. There were plenty of consequences for their bad actions, but God never said, "Sorry, you have been too naughty so I am not giving you the gift of the Savior right now." And He NEVER threatened to not send the Gift in order to get the Israelites to obey.

So, I have struggled through the realities of what this little elf has revealed to me. I mean, really, isn't it all in the name of holiday fun? Is it really THAT big of a deal? But then it hit me that YES, it IS that big of a deal. Beyond setting myself up to fail in the area of discipline because I will NEVER wake up Christmas morning & not give my little ones gifts, I am denying my children the opportunity to experience the TRUE JOY of Christmas - celebrating several weeks of anticipating the gifts that are guaranteed to come just because Keith & I love them, just like the Gift of Salvation that God guaranteed would come just because HE LOVES US.

Advent

So it has been our tradition to do a different activity each day as we build up to Christmas... it is fun, it is frustrating... it is messy, it makes sweet memories for everyone... here are some of the things we have been up to...

I cheated with this one... the little ones made it with our babysitter while Keith & I were Christmas shopping

This is our forest of Christmas trees in the kitchen

This is MY FAVORITE!!!! This is Kailyn's reindeer, she would not let me help her and the eyes are a little off....
We went to Garvin Gardens

We have baked

And made paper chains...

There are a few more that I did not capture on film and we will be making donut snowmen, Christmas conifers and several other things in the next ten days... I cannot believe it is only ten days until Christmas... it seems like we wait all year for this one day and the time just flies!!!!

Potty training - the failed first attempt theory

So a week ago I ventured to potty train my third child. I have developed a whole theory on potty training (which I am sure my fourth child will debunk....). This theory is called the failed first attempt theory. The idea behind it is this -

pick a time to potty train your child when you think they might be ready but are not quite sure.

Commit yourself to staying home for a week.

Buy some underware and pull ups (for nap & bed times).

Buy a LARGE bag of whatever treat you are going to reward your child with for making pee pee and poo poo in the potty. Our treat of choice is M & M's.

Wake up on Monday morning and put child on potty. Spend the rest of the day cleaning up pee pee messes ALL OVER the house (eat a lot of m & m's yourself since child is not getting any and the stress of cleaning up urine all over your house is a lot to handle)

Repeat this same process on Tuesday

Give up on Wednesday and put diapers back on the child. Eat the remaining M & M's yourself. (This is a very important part of the process)

Wait two or three months.....

We have found that the failed first attempt really seems to work for us. The second attempt really goes much better. That is not to say there aren't accidents. Still plenty of those and Tuesday is still the worst day but by Wednesday it seems that we are coming out of it. That the little one has figured out (at least partially) what we are asking him/her to do.

So now, after a week and a half of potty training, Kailyn has gone to stores, church and some one's house and been accident free. She is excited to use the potty and even tells us she has to go once in a while!!!!!

Wooo Hooo!!!!! in another two years we can do it all over again with Ryen!

Let's talk about Santa

Some Thoughts on Christmas

THIS IS A POST FROM CHRISTMAS 2007... I wanted to repost it.....

First off, let me say I know I am going to sound a bit like a looneytoon right now... but I have been trapped in the house for a week so that might be where some of this is coming.

The other day (before our quarantine) we were out and a woman asked Bowden if he was being a good boy so Santa would bring him gifts.... I (in a very polite voice, I might add) said "In our house Christmas is based on God's gracious gift that we are celebrating on that day. So he will get gifts whether he is good or bad." She gave me a funny look and then walked away.

I want to look at this from a couple of angles. First the non-Christian one. What are we teaching our children? Have you ever known (Personally) someone who did not get ANY gifts for Christmas? Do any of you know anyone who was ever COMPLETELY good? So by telling our children that Santa sees everything and they will not get toys if they are naughty, then on Christmas morning they get toys... knowing they were naughty (even if they did not get caught), are we not just letting them learn that they can get away with being bad and still get the reward?

Then from the Christian point of view. First, please let me say, I do love the idea of Santa Clause. Flying all around, delivering toys. I love the original story of Santa Clause, which is the epitome of Christian giving. The problem I have is with what he has morphed into. This whole concept of having to earn what he brings you. Not to mention all the Christmas shows that talk about how Christmas will not happen if Santa does not come(but that is a WHOLE different post). I cannot imagine that this makes Christ very happy. He came to give us something that we COULD NEVER EARN. And yet we have turned the celebration of his birth into something that is completely based in earning the gift, in being good enough to get the reward. Christ's gift is one that comes with no strings attached. We just have to believe in our hearts.

So then I watched the Polar Express (Bowden loves trains) and these thoughts deepened. There is a part in the movie when they get to the North Pole and all the elves just creep me out. They are not nice and cheery, they are mean and creepy. They cheer for Santa as if he is some sort of god. These elves really looked like satan's minions. And I thought, I wonder if satan's minions actually cheer the concept of Santa in the same way - excited that a day that is supposed to be about celebrating the free gift of salvation coming to earth has collapsed into a free for all in which we all teach our children that "IF THEY ARE GOOD ENOUGH" Santa will bring them a present.

Again, I love the authentic idea of Santa. Santa comes to our house but he only brings treats and goodies in our stockings- nothing big. And he comes whether they have been good or bad. But I do think that it is interesting that the families I know who do not celebrate Santa have told me it is because they were afraid when they children found out Santa was not real they would then reject Christ as well because they cannot see Him either. I have never had anyone tell me they did not celebrate Santa because Christ is God's gift of grace and Santa, as he is celebrated today, is the complete opposite of that.

Our church is doing a series on Jesus as the Light and I wanted to share some thoughts that have been generated by that....

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.
Genesis 1:1

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From Tim Lundy's message -

God’s work of creation includes the renovation of chaos

Everything was formless and void, no structure, an empty wasteland

The Spirit of God was there, hovering over the water

So this morning I was sitting in our nook in the kitchen, reading a little 1Kings, thinking about how Tim had challenged us all the pray the first time we saw the light each morning this week. It was raining this morning so the light was a little slow in coming. In fact it was still pitch black out at the time that the early morning colors usually start making their way over the horizon. It was cold, raining and dark. Humm, I guess I will just have to pray a little later.

The light was slow in coming this morning but it came. It was not as bright and cheerful as it usually is, but it was there. The light, muted by the sad, sleepy clouds still made its' way through to light our day and help us to see our way. As I stood, looking out the window, I realized that Jesus is just like the sun. Sometimes circumstances in our lives are bleak, cold and dark just like the sky on a cloudy, winter day. But then just like the sun's ray which eventually make their way through the clouds to give us light, so does the light of Jesus. The sun's rays do not take away the clouds or the rain but they still light up the sky so we can see our way.

Jesus may not always take away the circumstances that have caused our lives to feel cold & dark but His presence in the midst of them certainly brightens up the landscape and helps us to see the horizon. His presence helps us to realize that the Light is still out there and these rainy days will pass. His presence helps to light our path so that we can continue on until those brighter days are found.

I love Tim's point that God's creation, the Light, makes renovations in the midst of chaos. My life is often chaotic but each morning just as the sun rises to light our way so does the true Light, ready to renovate and create in the midst of my crazy life!!!!

I cannot believe it is the last day of November..... oh where oh where is this year going?

I am so excited for this new month, there are several different reasons why!

ADVENT!!!!! I love the celebration of the coming King! We celebrate is birth and we celebrate that He will come again soon! What a reason to decorate and feast and give gifts!!!! We do a different craft or activity each day to get ready. I will share more on this later and update with pics and other info. This will be my third year of doing this and I enjoy it more and more each year. I am not sure if we will use glitter this year though, we still have not recovered from the glitter incident of 2007. I am sure Bowden and Evynn remember the tears and gnashing of teeth... even little Kailyn (who was only 6 months at the time whimpers a little when she hears the word glitter)

We are starting to instill a new system of chores in our home. I have been reading Managers of their Chores by the Maxwells. it is excellent and I do believe that with some commitment on my part (Keith too), we can really get our little ones headed on the right path to helping in the home. December will be committed to chore training. It really should not be too hard in some areas as we have been working on several things with Bowden already. This will be the official launch though. We will head out full force next Monday... which leads me to #3...

We are potty training Kailyn. Wooo Hooo, she seems quite interested this time (remember, I believe firmly in the one failed attempt approach). My goal is to have just one child in diapers from this point on, well that is until we are blessed with another little one... but hey that is in God's hands!

We are taking a break from official homeschooling - a LONG Christmas break! One of the reasons I LOVE homeschool!!!!B & I will still review letter sounds each day for a little bit but nothing hard. But I am really excited about starting up again in January. I needed to be a little more conservative this fall, just trying to get my bearings but I really feel that this second semester I will be able to fully embrace doing more of what I want to do. I am really beginning to believe I might be able to use the classical education model with my children and I know it will be fun along with really challenging and engaging for Bowden and his need for discovery.

On top of that, I get a whole week with Keith at the end of the month and there is nothing I love more than that!!! I love my husband more than words can say and I cherish the days I get to spend with him!!!!! It is my favorite week of the year! This is my favorite month of the year!!!