I am a wretched sinner. The burden with which the sins of my life bears down on me is formidable. I wake each morning alive and new, believing that I can start fresh, I can do it right. I will not repeat the mistakes of yesterday. Only to find myself muddled down in the mire of my sin once again (usually before breakfast).

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
Romans 7:15

I am actually so grateful for feeling this so strongly right now. It is easy, in our charmed lives, to forget how completely and totally we need our Savior. I have very few (if any) physical needs that are left unmet. When I am hungry, I peruse the vast stores of food we have. When I am thirsty, I have plenty to drink. When I am cold, I turn up the heater. when I am hot, I crank up the AC. Whatever I cannot find in my house is only a short drive away. When I am lonely talk to my husband, play with my children, call a friend. I settled quit nicely into domestic life and forgot that there is nothing I can do that will make me worthy of the salvation I have been given. There has been no need to drop to my knees in submission and worship of the one who chose me.

The pressure of my sin that has been bearing down on me is a joyful reminder of the reality that I need to be on my knees (literally) submitting my life to the one who has redeemed me. God is not just a God of salvation, He is a God of sanctification. He is perfecting me. It will take my lifetime to do it but He loves me and He is not finished with me yet. Oh what joy I feel at realizing that the pain of my sin draws me closer to the One who loves me most. Oh what peace I feel at knowing that this life that lays before me is one that God has been with from before I was born and will be with throughout my days until the end. Oh what joy I feel at knowing that this end will complete that sanctification and finally I will be free of the pressure of these sins! God is good and I feel Him so vividly I can feel his arms holding me up.

Thank you, Lord, for these pressures that remind me to get on my knees. Thank you, Lord, for loving me so much that you would train and teach me so that I will one day no longer languish in the pain of doing what I do not want to... It is well with my soul!