Wow, it has been a long time since I have posted.  Our family has grown by one...  sweet baby Loryn made her entry on September the 17th.  God has been working overtime on my heart.  I was reading over some past blogs and I realized that there are some issues that I seem to doing worse at than when God pricked my heart about them a year or two ago.  Ouch.

What I do know, is that I miss blogging.  Not because anyone reads it but mostly because it is where God reveals a a lot of insights to me.  I work through things through words.

Our church has been doing a study in our small groups called The Gospel Centered Life.  I highly recommend it.  Each week, I am struck with a new insight, a deep reality a stronger truth that reveals more and more of God's love for me.

This last week I looked straight in the face of my hardest struggle.  My need for control.  I want to control everyone and everything around me.  I gain some deep peace from thinking that I can and do have it all together.  The thing I find discouraging about this is that I have been well aware of this struggle for four years.  I look myself in the mirror and ask myself "How long?  How long will you get wound up?  How long will you lose your temper and lash out at those around you, how long will you struggle with this?"  I pray and pray and pray.  But it is still a struggle.

The thing I find most encouraging is that God knows exactly where I am and He is NOT looking me in the mirror saying those things.  Perhaps the most powerful thing that I have gotten from this study and the messages at church lately is this one thought - the same Holy Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, defeated death, is in me.  IN ME.  That power is IN ME.  Waiting.  Waiting for me to let go allow it to go to work.

There are several verses in the NEw Testament that talked about how "I can do all things through Christ"...  "All things are possible..."  "With God nothing is imporrible..." and yet, I struggle.  And then my heart leads me to another verse "Lord, I believe, help me in my unbelief".  That is my cry.  Oh I do believe, in the big picture.  But I struggle with the day to day.  Help me to believe that when the chaos is around me, You are enough to get me through in a way that shines glory on you.  Because it is not just enough to just get through.  I want my life to shine in a way that shows Your glory each day!