I went to a great conference this past weekend on Discipliship.  It was amazing.  I had the chance to be discipled  by Kay Arthur and several other incredible, God - Loving women for a day and a half.  I also got to spend great time with four other great friends.  I felt like a sponge that was beyond saturated.  It was amazing.  I would like to spend several blogs talking about all that I learned from these women however, today I am going to just touch on something that has really been on my heart lately.

I am a spoiled, wretched, lazy woman.  I am opinionated and passionate.  I spend a lot of time getting irritated because people do not do things the way I think they should be done, the way I know they should be done.  I get frustrated with my children, I get irritated with my husband, I get annoyed with my friends & aquaintences.  It has come to my attention lately, though, that all though I have been blessed by all these relationships in my life, my interaction with them has NOTHING to do with them.  It has to do with me and really not about me but with me and JESUS.  I do not want to say that Jesus does not care about how other people treat me (because I am sure that He desires for them to be kind, patient, loving gentle....) but I am going to say that I do believe that Jesus does not care how people treat me in context of how I treat them in return.

Got that?  Because I am not sure if I do. I am not sure if I am even typing that correctly... I will give some examples.

Jesus does NOT CARE how people treat me in context with how I treat them in return.  Jesus does not care if someone does not show up to an event I planned - what He cares about is that I respond in the Spirit (ie the FRUIT... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control).  I cannot find "smarting off about the importance of MY time" on that list.

Jesus does not care if my children run wild through the house, stopping up toilets and breaking down banisters - what He cares about is that I spend each day writing the Word of God on their hearts (and I cannot find screaming at them until the neighbor comes over to check on us - okay, THAT has never happened - anywhere in Deuteronomy). 

Jesus does not care that my husband decided that vacuuming out his car was more important than bathing the little ones even though I asked him to bathe the little ones - what He cares about is that I treat my husband with respect (and I have TRIED to find appropriate eye rolling and sighing SOMEWHERE in the Bible but have yet to come up with a verse).  

What matters is MY relationship with Jesus.  Am I glorifying Him in everything I do?  Am I honoring Him and the incredible sacrifice He made for me in the way I respond to people?  As I type this, it sounds a little self-focused - it is not about others, it is about me - but really, it is completely the opposite.  IT IS NOT ABOUT ME AT ALL.  When I choose to respond to anger, irritation, frustration- I am making it ALL ABOUT ME.  I have been wronged I I feel the need to let EVERYONE know about it.  When I stop and allow the Holy Spirit to fill me, when I step aside and let the Spirit respond, it is about Jesus.  It is about what HE deserves from us because of what he endured for us. 

I used to laugh at all that "WWJD" stuff everywhere but really, now, I am realizing that is exactly what I should think about before I EVER open my mouth.  What WOULD Jesus do right now?  Would he making a quipy snipe?  Would He lash out in anger?  Would He roll his eyes?  Probably not.  And let's be honest, when we look at what we have been saved from, it is clear to see - it IS all about Jesus.

So I have not blogged a lot lately...  It is not that I do not have much to say, I can just rarely find the time to sit and type out my thoughts.... 
I learned yesterday that the man who gave me my big break in coaching passed away on Saturday.  He was a good man who took a risk on a young, under-experienced coach.  I will always appreciate all that he did for me.  The life I have now is a direct result of the chance he took on me 12 years ago.

God is good, even in sad times and I can do nothing more than sit and marvel at how He used a sport and an athletic director to bring me to the place where I would give me heart, my life to Him.  Thank you to Dan Viola for taking the chance on me and being a part of this blessed life I now lead!!!!

Some random thoughts on a cold, sleety day in Central Arkansas...

As a mom, sometimes you are going to get poop on your fingers - there is just NO WAY to avoid it.....

A day filled with winter weather really does not change anything that a homeschooling family would do normally... bummer....  we took a snow day anyway!

Watching your ten month old dance to the tune from Diego is the cutest thing ever...









Two year olds cry A LOT...  and they cannot speak very clearly even when they are not crying...  I might try to help her with what she wants if only I could understand her!!!!



Two year olds smile and laugh a lot and there is nothing sweeter than when she say, in the demanding way only a two year can "HUG ME"

It is no use trying to convince a 5 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old that the white stuff on the ground is NOT snow but just hard, icky, sleety, ice and it is not fun to play in....

 (yes, she is making a "snow" angel in a 1/2 a cent. of ice)

The excitement of getting a working washer wore off pretty quickly and I am back to thinking laundry is a pain

If I am ever feeling burdened by most anything in my life, I just need to pick up Little House on the Prairie and read all that Ma did each day

A friend said to me once that it does not do us any good to submit to God in one area of our lives if we are going to disobey in another area....

This has been on my heart a lot since then in so many ways.  It is perhaps the single most impacting piece of advice I have ever been given by one of the wisest people I know.

I look at my life and I see areas where I have submitted and done as I feel the Lord is leading me.  But then there are so many areas where I just completely go in my own way.  I am quick to speak, quick to anger, quick to share my opinion - which I do rather passionately and that has a tendency to offend others.

If you would have told me yen years ago I would be praying for a meek and humble spirit, I would have laughed at you.  But here I am, a wife, a mother, a friend....  and I realize that this is exactly what I need.  I always thought that being meek was a horrible thing but today I looked it up in the dictionary -  Meek is defined as showing patience and humility.

Hummmm, I could use some of that in just about EVERY area I listed above.. wife, mother & friend

So then I looked up humble - not proud or arrogant; modest.

Hummmmm, could use A LOT of that is EVERY area listed above ....  wife, mother & friend

James 1:19 says that "everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger for a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires."

How many times have I be quick to react and it EVER turns out well for me or anyone else involved?  Does a quick response ever get me what I want?  When I snap at my husband does he suddenly realize "Oh, Natasha was right" and do what I want?  No.  And if he does just do what I want I get even more upset because I realize he is just doing what I want because I snapped at him, not because he believes it is the right thing to do.  Either way, it turns out poorly and usually leads to more snapping (yelling)!
If I would have been slow to speak, shared my thoughts in a way that was meek & humble, perhaps he would have seen my wisdom or perhaps not but the yelling might have been avoided.

When I just react and say "NO" to my children without giving thought to what they have asked, I set myself up for tears and gnashing of teeth (on everyone's part).  There are many time, after I have said no, that I realize what they are asking for really was not that big of a deal.  But by that point in time, their whining has gotten so bad that I cannot change my answer for fear that they will believe that the whining was what got their desired outcome.   Had I been a little meek (patient) in my response, I would have realized this and avoided all the drama.

And my friends?  They are constantly bombarded with my arrogance and opinions.  I am not really sure why they put up with me at all!!! 

So here I am, looking down the barrel of the next big thing God wants... my pride, my arrogance.   But then I realize that if I give this up God will replace it with something so much better... a spirit that is modest, patient and full of humility - it does not sound so bad after all.

The big lesson for the day? I pray each day that God will let me catch my children when they do something wrong so I can correct them and train them up in the way that they should go. So, B got in some trouble as we were trying to get out the door to church and I was very frustrated. Not only with what he had done but also with the reality that having to deal with his disobedience was interrupting MY agenda.

My agenda.

It is a good agenda. Trying to get out the door to get to church.

But really, isn't my overall agenda, my job, my given purpose from God to train up my children in the way they should go?

Everything else, getting to church, getting the house cleaned, making dinner... all of it, should pail in light of the main my real, God given purpose - training up my children. I need to rejoice when my children disobey so that I have the opportunity to train them in the way they should go.

When our children are little, do we sing praises that our little ones act out in ways that we can easily see and use as learning opportunities or do we sigh, roll our eyes and get angry? I know what my response is and I am certain that there is nothing about it that pleases God.

Thank you Lord, for training me!

I am a wretched sinner. The burden with which the sins of my life bears down on me is formidable. I wake each morning alive and new, believing that I can start fresh, I can do it right. I will not repeat the mistakes of yesterday. Only to find myself muddled down in the mire of my sin once again (usually before breakfast).

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.
Romans 7:15

I am actually so grateful for feeling this so strongly right now. It is easy, in our charmed lives, to forget how completely and totally we need our Savior. I have very few (if any) physical needs that are left unmet. When I am hungry, I peruse the vast stores of food we have. When I am thirsty, I have plenty to drink. When I am cold, I turn up the heater. when I am hot, I crank up the AC. Whatever I cannot find in my house is only a short drive away. When I am lonely talk to my husband, play with my children, call a friend. I settled quit nicely into domestic life and forgot that there is nothing I can do that will make me worthy of the salvation I have been given. There has been no need to drop to my knees in submission and worship of the one who chose me.

The pressure of my sin that has been bearing down on me is a joyful reminder of the reality that I need to be on my knees (literally) submitting my life to the one who has redeemed me. God is not just a God of salvation, He is a God of sanctification. He is perfecting me. It will take my lifetime to do it but He loves me and He is not finished with me yet. Oh what joy I feel at realizing that the pain of my sin draws me closer to the One who loves me most. Oh what peace I feel at knowing that this life that lays before me is one that God has been with from before I was born and will be with throughout my days until the end. Oh what joy I feel at knowing that this end will complete that sanctification and finally I will be free of the pressure of these sins! God is good and I feel Him so vividly I can feel his arms holding me up.

Thank you, Lord, for these pressures that remind me to get on my knees. Thank you, Lord, for loving me so much that you would train and teach me so that I will one day no longer languish in the pain of doing what I do not want to... It is well with my soul!

Snow Days

So Christmas has come and gone. It was a wonderful holiday and I am truly blessed as I look at my family and our home. Keith spent 10 days with us and it was AWESOME! We had a great time.
I spent last night getting ready to start our second semester of homeschooling. I had already laid out my lesson plans for the first month and a half but I wanted to get the consumables ready as well as make sure I understood all that I had written down in the plans! There is nothing worse than sitting down with a plan and then realizing I had no idea what I meant by it! The attention span of a five year old does not last through mommy trying to figure out garbled lesson plans!
Before going to bed, my day was planned out from beginning at 7:30 breakfast through leaving for pitching lessons at 5:30! Although I had a great break I was looking forward to getting back into a schedule!
I woke up at 5:30 this morning to read along with the Fellowship Bible in Mark. I noticed a sprinkling of snow on the deck and thought that the little ones would be excited about the dusting of snow. Little did I know that dusting would shake up my well planned first day back!!!
We ate breakfast, with B & E clamoring to go outside. I promised that once we were done with shores and dressed we could spend a bit of time out in the "snow" (really just a little frozen rain in my opinion!). We got our upstairs chores done and then headed outside. I dropped baby Ryen off Papa John & Dede's house next door and was intent upon watching my children's joy at such a tiny amount of snow! It really was sweet.
My plan was to spend about 15 minutes outside and then head in the start school. We would only be a little off schedule and it would be easy to catch up. right about that time, our neighbor's grandchildren showed up and that was the end to my well laid plans! My little ones spent the next hour and a half playing and having fun. And what a peace I had about it all too! Not like me at all! But I realized that the joy they had in running about the tiny bit of snow with friends was worth the missed hour of school. I went over to Papa & Dede's house and enjoyed some hot chocolate! What a great first day back!!!!