I only have one big thought on this one... I have spent a lot of time mourning over my lost naptime... the lost "me" time... Reading this proverb again ( I have read it a few times!!!) really just pricked my heart that if I want to be the wife God desires me to be, the mother God desires me to than it is my job to to take care of my family! The verse about rising up while it is still dark stuck out to me more than anything. I JUST want to SLEEP... but I also want to exercise and read God's word - both of which make me a better wife and mother. Here is the thing... I need to get up and take care of my family!!!
Before I read this, I really though "oh, I have read this before" not really expecting too much to jump out at me. But there it is... "Natasha, quit mourning over the lost "me" time. Stop being lazing. Get out of bed, get off the couch and do what needs to be done!!!! And do it well!!!"
Perhaps that last thought is what really screams out to me. I manage to get things done but I am not doing them as well as I can. if everything I do is supposed to be for God, I certainly am not honoring Him in a lot of ways lately!
Sorry that this is disjointed. I am just trying to get some thoughts on paper before I go do something!!!!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Deep into Proverbs and beyond
So at the beginning of this month my friend challenged me to read one chapter of Proverbs each day and reflect on it. This sounded like a good idea as I had been looking for a study to fill the time before my church study begins in September. I Just read chapter 27 and the first verse talked about not boasting about tomorrow because you do not know what it will hold for you. I have realized over the past week (starting with a very good message on pride at church on Sunday) that I have a serious pride issue. More serious than most. I was taking an enormous amount of pride in how humble I was. Some sort of irony there.
People would compliment me on my ability to handle a "large" family and I would point to God and say, "only through Him". People would compliment me on something I had written and I would say "the words come from Him"... I could go on and on. Sure it sounds good on paper. I was giving the praise to God and I knew in my heart that it was all due to Him but I was prideful in the fact that I was allowing Him to work in my life in such ways. I would look at other with judgment, thinking "You could do these things too if you would just ... trust Him... seek Him... ask Him...."
The best part of it all though, was that deep down I felt like a fraud. I did not really have it together. I was not being the mother I wanted to be or that God has called me to be.
I spend large amount of time thinking about my parenting. This is, after all, my job. I want to be the mother God has designed me to be. I was not coming close to being that mother, so upon going home after getting lavished with praise on my skills, and pointing everyone to the glory of God, I would sit in guilt as I spoke sharply, lost my temper and basically did everything I did not want to do as a mother!
So along comes Proverbs.... verse after verse convicted me. I was a fool holding onto God's word, teaching it to my children and then hardly coming close to living it out myself. I was afraid I was going to vaccinate my children against Christ and His love for us. I would give them just enough for them to think "Hey if this is what Christ did for my mom than NO THANKS!"
Monday was a rough day for me. I felt like the world was coming in around me and I did not know why. I decided to "unplug". I stopped playing on Facebook, I quit calling people to chat or complain. God wanted to talk to me but there was too much noise for me to hear Him.
Last night, Keith and I were getting ready for bed and we had a RIDICULOUS disagreement (which I will not go into here as it was so lame!!!) and this lead to me telling him how much I was hating the mother I was becoming. He and I had a very enlightening conversation. I will try to share some of it here....
(This is all from Keith)
We need to treat our children the way we would treat them if they were behaving the way we WANT them to behave. We need to be kind and gentle with them AT ALL times, even when they are being their very worst. (He got this from a rabbi that spoke at a marriage thing a few years ago who applied it to husbands and wives but it certainly goes here) This is, after all, how God treats us EVERY single day. He is always kind and gentle with us. He may be firm to get our attention but He is never harsh or short. And aren't we called to be like Christ?
Wow. This really struck me. This is going to be hard. It has been very hard today. It can only happen if I CHOOSE to seek God each moment of each day. It can only happen through Him.
And here is the real kicker in the whole thing... we cannot expect it the result in different behavior.
WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? This is where I get caught up EVERY time. I am very result oriented. I had to be as an athlete and a college coach. If something did not work, you tried something different until you saw results. And at the end of every spring, when the season was over, you would see the result of the choices you made. Parenting DOES NOT work that way. Sometimes you can see result quickly but usually you are going to have to wait A LONG LONG LONG time to see if you made the right decisions.
This is going to be hard for me. I want to be the kind and gentle mother God has designed me to be, but I know, with a most humble heart, it is only going to happen with Him, in Him, through Him. Someone once asked me about how many children Keith & wanted and I told them that God uses each new child to break me in some new way, so I will take as many as it takes for Him to turn me into who He want me to be! We might catch up with the Duggers after all!!
I LOVE IT WHEN GOD SPEAKS TO ME! He always has something awesome to say!!!
People would compliment me on my ability to handle a "large" family and I would point to God and say, "only through Him". People would compliment me on something I had written and I would say "the words come from Him"... I could go on and on. Sure it sounds good on paper. I was giving the praise to God and I knew in my heart that it was all due to Him but I was prideful in the fact that I was allowing Him to work in my life in such ways. I would look at other with judgment, thinking "You could do these things too if you would just ... trust Him... seek Him... ask Him...."
The best part of it all though, was that deep down I felt like a fraud. I did not really have it together. I was not being the mother I wanted to be or that God has called me to be.
I spend large amount of time thinking about my parenting. This is, after all, my job. I want to be the mother God has designed me to be. I was not coming close to being that mother, so upon going home after getting lavished with praise on my skills, and pointing everyone to the glory of God, I would sit in guilt as I spoke sharply, lost my temper and basically did everything I did not want to do as a mother!
So along comes Proverbs.... verse after verse convicted me. I was a fool holding onto God's word, teaching it to my children and then hardly coming close to living it out myself. I was afraid I was going to vaccinate my children against Christ and His love for us. I would give them just enough for them to think "Hey if this is what Christ did for my mom than NO THANKS!"
Monday was a rough day for me. I felt like the world was coming in around me and I did not know why. I decided to "unplug". I stopped playing on Facebook, I quit calling people to chat or complain. God wanted to talk to me but there was too much noise for me to hear Him.
Last night, Keith and I were getting ready for bed and we had a RIDICULOUS disagreement (which I will not go into here as it was so lame!!!) and this lead to me telling him how much I was hating the mother I was becoming. He and I had a very enlightening conversation. I will try to share some of it here....
(This is all from Keith)
We need to treat our children the way we would treat them if they were behaving the way we WANT them to behave. We need to be kind and gentle with them AT ALL times, even when they are being their very worst. (He got this from a rabbi that spoke at a marriage thing a few years ago who applied it to husbands and wives but it certainly goes here) This is, after all, how God treats us EVERY single day. He is always kind and gentle with us. He may be firm to get our attention but He is never harsh or short. And aren't we called to be like Christ?
Wow. This really struck me. This is going to be hard. It has been very hard today. It can only happen if I CHOOSE to seek God each moment of each day. It can only happen through Him.
And here is the real kicker in the whole thing... we cannot expect it the result in different behavior.
WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? This is where I get caught up EVERY time. I am very result oriented. I had to be as an athlete and a college coach. If something did not work, you tried something different until you saw results. And at the end of every spring, when the season was over, you would see the result of the choices you made. Parenting DOES NOT work that way. Sometimes you can see result quickly but usually you are going to have to wait A LONG LONG LONG time to see if you made the right decisions.
This is going to be hard for me. I want to be the kind and gentle mother God has designed me to be, but I know, with a most humble heart, it is only going to happen with Him, in Him, through Him. Someone once asked me about how many children Keith & wanted and I told them that God uses each new child to break me in some new way, so I will take as many as it takes for Him to turn me into who He want me to be! We might catch up with the Duggers after all!!
I LOVE IT WHEN GOD SPEAKS TO ME! He always has something awesome to say!!!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Proverbs 26
VS 7 - Like the legs of the lame that hang limp is the Proverbs in the mouth of fools....
VS 9 - Like a thorn that goes into the hand of drunkard is a proverb in the mouth of a fool...
These really struck me... as I try to raise my children to know the Lord, His word and His love, am I just a fool? Am I worthless because I am not living my life by these same proverbs? Am I just vaccinating my children against God's love because I am getting it all wrong?
Then VS 11 - As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly... Okay, I am this fool! I make the same mistake OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. When am I going to stop? When am I going to show self control? And putting that right up to a dog going back to his vomit? Ohhhhh, that is so gross! And I have seen dogs so this! It is disgusting! As I have watched I have commented on how stupid that dog was! Hello pot, you are black! God's word has pointed out that I AM THAT DOG!!!! A FOOL! Each time I do the same stupid thing!
And VS 23 - Fervent Lips with a wicked heart are like earthenware covered with silver dross... I feel like this right now. I can say all the right things, I can make things look really pretty on the outside but on the inside I am just struggling with the hypocrisy of my sins.
I am feeling a bit lost right now. I know that God is there right with me but I just can't seem to get it right. I start each morning with the intention to do things right, in a way that will honor God but sometimes i do not even make it out of bed before I fall back into the way i do not want to go.
I was on my face praying this morning (via Beth Moore) when the phrase "CHOOSE JOY" came to me. We have been focusing a lot on the Proverb 17:22 "A joyful heart is good medicine" lately and I have really been struggling with this. But then God just told this morning- Just choose it! When things are not going as you plan, when the children are acting out, you have two choices - get angry or get joyful... CHOOSE JOY. I need to stop, a hundred, no a thousand times a day and choose joy.
I m beginning to believe that most of MY issues come down to self-control. What am I choosing to do. Which leads me back to the proverb that I looked at today - I am a fool trying to teach my children about self-control when I myself cannot display it!
Praise God that He reveals Himself to us and then gives us what we need to move in His direction... and that God for His grace when we get stuck along the way!!!
VS 9 - Like a thorn that goes into the hand of drunkard is a proverb in the mouth of a fool...
These really struck me... as I try to raise my children to know the Lord, His word and His love, am I just a fool? Am I worthless because I am not living my life by these same proverbs? Am I just vaccinating my children against God's love because I am getting it all wrong?
Then VS 11 - As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly... Okay, I am this fool! I make the same mistake OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. When am I going to stop? When am I going to show self control? And putting that right up to a dog going back to his vomit? Ohhhhh, that is so gross! And I have seen dogs so this! It is disgusting! As I have watched I have commented on how stupid that dog was! Hello pot, you are black! God's word has pointed out that I AM THAT DOG!!!! A FOOL! Each time I do the same stupid thing!
And VS 23 - Fervent Lips with a wicked heart are like earthenware covered with silver dross... I feel like this right now. I can say all the right things, I can make things look really pretty on the outside but on the inside I am just struggling with the hypocrisy of my sins.
I am feeling a bit lost right now. I know that God is there right with me but I just can't seem to get it right. I start each morning with the intention to do things right, in a way that will honor God but sometimes i do not even make it out of bed before I fall back into the way i do not want to go.
I was on my face praying this morning (via Beth Moore) when the phrase "CHOOSE JOY" came to me. We have been focusing a lot on the Proverb 17:22 "A joyful heart is good medicine" lately and I have really been struggling with this. But then God just told this morning- Just choose it! When things are not going as you plan, when the children are acting out, you have two choices - get angry or get joyful... CHOOSE JOY. I need to stop, a hundred, no a thousand times a day and choose joy.
I m beginning to believe that most of MY issues come down to self-control. What am I choosing to do. Which leads me back to the proverb that I looked at today - I am a fool trying to teach my children about self-control when I myself cannot display it!
Praise God that He reveals Himself to us and then gives us what we need to move in His direction... and that God for His grace when we get stuck along the way!!!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
God is trying to talk to me but I have been too busy to listen. I spend my days chasing my little ones, trying to have phone conversations with friends, and thinking of quippy status updates for Facebook. There is never any quiet to hear what He has to say. Often times I hear Him when I am writing, He really speaks to me through the words my fingers punch out. But I am so busy chattering all the time that I never get a moment to listen.
I am walking away from Facebook for a week. We will see what happens with that. I am going to be quiet. I am going to listen. I love when He wants to talk to me because He always has something important to say!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
PROVERBS 19
VS 5 - A false witness will not go unpunished and he who speaks lies will not escape.... I was able to share this with Bowden who has been having a little bit of trouble with this the past couple of days, lying to get out of being in trouble. I have told him that it is always better to tell the truth than to lie and the punishments have shown that too
VS 11 - And his glory is to overlook a transgression... How many times am I so wuick to point out a flaw in another? How often do I overlook the log in my eye to point out the speck in another's?
VS 15 - Laziness casts one into a deep sleep... you know, I have noticed this, laziness begets laziness... the more I lay around and do nothing the more I want to lay around and do nothing.
VS 18 - Chasten your son while there is still hope... Another reminder to be on the ball with the discipline of my children
VS 22 What is desired of a man is kindness... a few years ago while doing a Beth Moore study God really pricked my heart about praying for kindness, He is pricking it again....
VS 11 - And his glory is to overlook a transgression... How many times am I so wuick to point out a flaw in another? How often do I overlook the log in my eye to point out the speck in another's?
VS 15 - Laziness casts one into a deep sleep... you know, I have noticed this, laziness begets laziness... the more I lay around and do nothing the more I want to lay around and do nothing.
VS 18 - Chasten your son while there is still hope... Another reminder to be on the ball with the discipline of my children
VS 22 What is desired of a man is kindness... a few years ago while doing a Beth Moore study God really pricked my heart about praying for kindness, He is pricking it again....
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Proverbs 18
VS 9 - He who is slothful in his works is a brother to him who is a great destroyer.... okay, being lazing and slothful never seems THAT bad to me, not that good but "brother to him who is a great destroyer"? That seems pretty bad. Again, I am drawn to the reality that God does not grade sins, one is just as bad as another.
VS 10 - The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.... How often do I take this for granted? I no longer take the Lord's name in vain as I did when I was younger, but I rarely think about the strength that is in the Lord's name, that calling upon the Lord, running to the Lord will protect me from evil.
VS 13 - He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and a shame to him... I do this a lot. I interrupt and jump to conclusions. I do not let my children finish what they are saying when they are in trouble. Again, this all goes back to patience, pride and focusing on my own agenda instead of God's.
VS 21 - Death and life are the power of the tongue.... this plays out in every area of my life, my marriage, my parenting, my friendships...
VS 10 - The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.... How often do I take this for granted? I no longer take the Lord's name in vain as I did when I was younger, but I rarely think about the strength that is in the Lord's name, that calling upon the Lord, running to the Lord will protect me from evil.
VS 13 - He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and a shame to him... I do this a lot. I interrupt and jump to conclusions. I do not let my children finish what they are saying when they are in trouble. Again, this all goes back to patience, pride and focusing on my own agenda instead of God's.
VS 21 - Death and life are the power of the tongue.... this plays out in every area of my life, my marriage, my parenting, my friendships...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Proverbs17 - yes I am still a day behind
VS 9 - He who covers a transgression seeks love but he who repeats a matter separates friends.... How many times have I shared a story that was embarrassing for someone else, or gossiped? How many times have I made fun of someone else trying to make myself feel better? Telling tales hurts EVERYONE
VS 14 - The beginning of strife is like the releasing of water... How true is this! There have been so many times that I have just opened the flood gates and then everything comes out... where if I would have just walked away there would have been no issue at all!
VS 17 - A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.... I LOVE this, especially when I think of my children and my desire and prayer that they would grow up to be best friends. But then when I think of my own sisters, I realize that my support of them has not been as strong. God is calling me to reach out to them and love them thru adversity.
VS 22 - I LOVE this verse, it is actually posted on our chalk board in the kitchen right now, only our version says a joyful heart is good medicine... Joy in all circumstance... still working on that goal...
VS 27 - He who has knowledge spares his words and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit... I LOVE this one too... first, I talk too much and I need to just shut up and listen. Second, I was just thinking this morning that if we really understood the enormity of heaven, the depths of hell, the awesomeness of His sacrifice for us, the well of His love for us... we would have a calm spirit because all of this here on earth would be put into perspective!
God is really calling me to this... to a deeper understanding of eternity and how this earth is so fleeting, that what seems to matter here really means nothing and to focus on Him and His purposes for my life. To put aside myself... I love how He weaves our lives together, knowing that I will be reading this verse today, knowing that Dena will speak a word to me, knowing that my thoughts will go down this road today and it will all come together... I LOVE HOW HE LOVES ME!
VS 14 - The beginning of strife is like the releasing of water... How true is this! There have been so many times that I have just opened the flood gates and then everything comes out... where if I would have just walked away there would have been no issue at all!
VS 17 - A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.... I LOVE this, especially when I think of my children and my desire and prayer that they would grow up to be best friends. But then when I think of my own sisters, I realize that my support of them has not been as strong. God is calling me to reach out to them and love them thru adversity.
VS 22 - I LOVE this verse, it is actually posted on our chalk board in the kitchen right now, only our version says a joyful heart is good medicine... Joy in all circumstance... still working on that goal...
VS 27 - He who has knowledge spares his words and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit... I LOVE this one too... first, I talk too much and I need to just shut up and listen. Second, I was just thinking this morning that if we really understood the enormity of heaven, the depths of hell, the awesomeness of His sacrifice for us, the well of His love for us... we would have a calm spirit because all of this here on earth would be put into perspective!
God is really calling me to this... to a deeper understanding of eternity and how this earth is so fleeting, that what seems to matter here really means nothing and to focus on Him and His purposes for my life. To put aside myself... I love how He weaves our lives together, knowing that I will be reading this verse today, knowing that Dena will speak a word to me, knowing that my thoughts will go down this road today and it will all come together... I LOVE HOW HE LOVES ME!
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