Looking back

Last night I was reading through some of my old blogs from my Xanga site and several things came to mind. First, I need to find a way to print those as there are some sweet memories transcribed., Second, I used to blog A LOT more than I do now. Third, I am still struggling with many of the same things now that I was struggling with back then. The two biggest issues being how to be the mother God desires me to be and how to honor God without resources.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the enormous responsibilty of being a mother to these four children. Not only is it my job to train up these children in the ways of the Lord but in many ways they will see me as the reflection of God to them. Am I a mother who is filled with grace and love or am I short tempered and angery?
As I was reading over almost three years of blogging, I can say that I have improved in many areas of my mothering. I am much more flexible. I do not let my entire day fall apart when naptime does not go as planned. However, I think I have a shorter temper now than I used to. My children are no different now than they were then (a little older but still testing boundries) but I think I have developed some false expectations. I think I expect them to behave well all the time because I have told them what to do.... Now that is funny. I know the right way to behave and I do not do it all the time! So with these false expectations, I put them in situations where I think they should excel and they do not and then I get mad. The problem is not with them. It is with me. My perspective needs to change.

I would love to write more but my Little Bit is upstairs screaming. Let me just say, I love being able to look back and see where I have come from, seeing areas where I am drawing closer to God and areas where I have fallen a little further away. It is my desire to sink into Him completely, to allow Him to wipe away all of my own agendas and expectations and rest in His plans for my life.