Quitting

I am quitting.  Giving up.  Failing.  These are hard things for me to type.  These are hard things for me to admit to myself.  But I am.  As of about an hour and a half ago I will no longer be trying to potty train my 3 year old.  I know, I can feel the judgment as you read this.  Other mothers are looking at me thinking - "what is WRONG with you?  You can't potty train your little girl?  Girls are the easiest!  Loser".  I am saying these things to myself.  I am crying as I type this.  But I know that it is the right thing.  The right thing for me and more importantly the right thing for my daughter.

A year ago, I thought I had it going on.  I was a prideful potty trainer.  My boy was the easiest of easy to potty train.  It took very little time or mental energy.  Man, I am good!  Evynn rolled around and we had some issues during the night with #2 but even that did not bother me so much because it was always in a pull up and easy to deal with.  Strangely enough that cleared up completely right as Ryen was born.  So for about six months we were zipping along with very few accidents and two children who went when they needed to go, who went when I told them to go.  Man, I am good!  I should offer a class!  I could charge people for this!  What is wrong with those people who struggle with this?

The haughty looks of man shall be brought low,and the lofty pride of men shall be humbled,and the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.
Isaiah 2:11

 I was prideful.   I will not deny it.  And I have been humbled.  HUMBLED.  Around the beginning of December I decided to tackle child number 3.  She was 2 1/2.  The same age as my other success stories.  She is smart and has a willing spirit.  How hard could it be?  Oh, if I had only known.  


It is now July and she had three accidents in the course of two hours just this morning.  One of them was pretty big.  I took her to the bathroom 2 times in that same period.    I will not bore you with all the details of the past seven months but let's just say we have tired EVERYTHING.  We have had days and even a couple of weeks here and there that have been accident free but we always slip back into this.  There never seems to be any long term progress.  I have tried just about everything to bribe, persuade, discipline, ignore, tears, yelling....  


To top it all off, child #2 who had been "successfully potty trained for over 8+ months" suddenly started having accidents - multiple accidents through out the day... days.   My patience has worn thin and I am out of ideas.  I am struggling to just hold it together in this area.


Then this week, two different friends saw their daughters end up in the hospital - one a precious new born baby and one a grown adult.  And this morning, as I was at UAMS praying for one of them, I realized something needed to change and it was me.  I have a short time with my amazing children - these wonderful gifts from God.  Do I want to waste it yelling, guilting, scolding, them because they cannot... will not go in the potty at this juncture?  I am certain neither will head off to college wearing Depends.  


The storm of the two girls peeing themselves all the time has overwhelmed me.  I am at a loss as to what to do and I feel like a failure.  But I cannot let these circumstances change what God has called me to do.  He has called me to get these children prepared for eternity (not just life here on earth but eternity - thank you for this thought, Wendy).  I am certainly not representing a gracious God to these two children in this area and there is only one way to change that.  I will divide and conquer.  I know that Evynn is capable of doing this.  So, I am going to put Kailyn in a pull up and stop worrying about her.  I will no longer have to deal with the wet clothes and the tears on both our parts.  I can go back to just loving on her and enjoying her for a while.  I will focus on Evynn and get her back on track.  


I am a failure.  I can already imagine the looks that the other mothers will give me.  But I know in my heart of hearts that this is the right thing to do.  She will go in the potty consistently one of these days.  For whatever reason, she is not ready now and I value my relationship with her too much to sacrifice it over wet underwear.  


I am grateful for this lesson.  Grateful to our Lord who knows that pride just keeps us from seeing the good in others; pride just keeps us from helping and being helped; pride is a wall that separates us from true community with others and destroys those who are stuck behind that wall with us.  I am so sorry to my children who have suffered due to my pride.  I am grateful for this lesson now and the time I have to change and be changed by a Savior who loves me!