Two posts in one day... so unlike me... however I have been thinking a lot about the post I did early this morning and wanted to expand upon it...  If you have not read that, you might look at it first. 
I spoke of a path - one rocky and one that looked rather easy.  I spoke about having to choose between the two.  I realized later that it goes a bit deeper than this.  Almost ten years ago I was at a crossroads.  I had been on a path that was horrible.  It was filled with heartache and pain.  There was no peace.  Then I got to the crossroads.  That new path was the one Christ offered.  It was uphill and rocky, it did not look easy at all, from the point I was at, it looked very hard - losing friends, walking away from my entire life - but it was worth it because I could see so clearly that Christ would be leading me and I could still taste the bitterness of the life without Him at the head. 

My 20s were hard.  They were sad.  I will certainly NEVER look back and think "those were the best years of my life".  The choice to pick up my cross and follow Christ was an easy one once I fully understood it.  Dieing to self was not hard as there was not much I liked about my life.  I came to Christ not long before I turned 29.  I got married at 30 and started a whole new life.  The good life.  I had (and still have) an incredible husband, developed amazing friendships and experienced earthly security in a way I never had before.  And somewhere along the way, I took a wrong turn.  I got caught up in seeking the good life and not the Abundant life.  And here is another thing I have realized, the more we expereince the good life, the harder it is to seek after the Abundant life.  I mean really.  When I was on my knees crying out to Christ at 28, my life was a wasteland of shallow, unsatistifactory stuff.   Giving up THAT to follow Christ was not so  hard.  But now, my life is filled with so much that matters.  The thought of losing all this to follow Christ terrifies me! 


Here is how I think satan has worked in my life over the past few years....  Things have gone well for me, for my family.  I am so grateful for ALL that we have.  But as I have gotten more, I have sought God less.  I have gotten caught up in the day to day of living.  Then, in seeking God less, I begin to think it is up to me to control what happens.  So, when I first came to Christ, I was walking up that path holding the cross on my back, now I slide it down and try to drag it with one hand while I hold on to all these things that matter so much to me.  I get tired...  we are not meant to carry heavy loads with just one hand, dragging behind us.  I seek God less.  I seek more control.  I grab more stuff to hold on to.  It is a cycle that continues and continues to drag me down and wear me out.  Where is this ABUNDANT life that was promised to me?  And just when I begin to doubt that this is worth it... there is that path... that clear, easy path. 

I have been on that path.   I know the truth of what lies beyond the easy opening.  It is dark and hopeless. 

God is so good.  He has promised us the Abundant life and it is real.  I have lived it.  But we need to remember, the Abundant life is not the good life.  It is not about things or even people.  It is not about our circumstances or being in control.  It is about living as one with Christ.  It is about being consumed by the Holy Spirit and living in a way that brings glory to God.  That is the only thing that will bring true satisfaction and peace.