Last week I posted a facebook status that I felt our family was at a crossroad and I was wondering which way to go.  there were a couple people who were curious and I am going to atempt to work though it here.  First, I think there is the way God desires us to go and they I think there is the way that looks easier.  As I stand at the crossroads - I see one path is straight uphill. The path is not at all smooth.  It does not seem to lead anywhere and looks to be dangerous.  The path looks smooth and simple.   So I was thinking, praying about which path to take.

I do so love when God answers your questions so clearly that there is no doubt that path He has chosen.  Yesterday, at church, one of our teaching pastors gave one of the best messages I have heard in a long time (and our teachers give good messages every Sunday, this one was just over the top).  He was talking about Matthew 10"34-39.  It is all about losing ourselves for Christ.... mother against daughter, father against son, pick up your cross and follow Christ.... 

Christ starts out this passage saying He did not come to bring peace but the sword.  I spent a large part of my early life as a Christian praying for peace and I was blessed with it.  But I have found lately that it has been lacking in my life again.  One of the things that our pastor spoke of yesterday is that peace ONLY comes after battling through sin and when Christ refers to bringing the sword what does He mean? The word of God of course.  Head over to Ephesians 6 and check out the armour of God - the sword is the word.  Christ has come to bring the sword to eliminate sin - we must battle through that sin to have peace with God.  And to battle through that sin, I must be spending more time int he word than I have been. 

I feel my foot taking a step towards that rocky path.

This passage also speaks of throwing down our lives and picking up our cross to follow Christ.  As I thought about my life, a vision came to me.  I HAVE picked up the cross.  But I am currently just dragging it behind me.  My arms are filled with all the things of this life I do not want to let go of... anger, greed, trust, control....  my arms are filled and so I cannot carry the cross like I should.  I am gripping it with one had dragging it behind me and I AM TIRED!  I wonder how many other Christians find this life tiring?   We do not understand that in order to live the abundant life NOW we have to get rid of all that other stuff.  How much easier would it be, if we would throw down the things of this world, hike that cross up onto our back in a way that will be easier to bare the weight and get moving?

Christ has promised us the abundant life NOW.  But so many of us miss it because we are struggling for control.  We do love Christ, we understand (on a human level) what He has done for us and we want what He promises.  We just cannot let go of the things of this world.  Satan whispers to us that if we stop watching those TV shows, life will be dull.  That of we do not have that new stuff we will be unsatisfied.  That if our children act out, we are failures as mothers.  That if we do not have control of every outcome things will turn out badly.  He lies to me that I CAN control every outcome, if I just yell enough. 

But here is the thing - we CANNOT carry the cross as long as we are holding on to all these other things.  We cannot choose to do things that offend our Savior and then expect Him to bless us with the abundant life.  And here is the other thing that our pastor spoke of yesterday - carrying the cross was not some promise for good times as we humans understand it.  When He told the disciples to carry the cross, He was promising them humiliation, immense struggle and most likely a horrible death (that is what the connotations of carrying the cross meant back then).  And yet I speak of abundant life.  Why?  Because He said carry the cross and "follow me".  It is walking with Christ that we experience the abundant life.  Regardless of our circumstances, when we walk with Christ we will have that peace, that joy.

I have allowed fear to keep me from walking up that path - fear of what my life will look like, fear of losing control.  I have allowed my circumstances to let me believe lies.  Regardless of what is going on around me - when I throw down fear and pick up my cross, Christ is in front of me.  The path may be difficult but Christ goes first showing me the way.