Gifts from Above - Lessons Macyn has taught me

Macyn Heather

Baby number five has been full of LOTS of lessons for me.  Some, I learned easily.  Some, I learned the hard way.  Some, I have yet to learn.  I am a bit strong willed at times.  Not sure why I am shocked by my children. 

I was 39 weeks and five days when I went into labor with Macyn.  I woke up in the morning with contractions but they were spotty, just like they had been days and days previous.  I had a feeling that it might be the day, but I did not want to get my hopes up.  Or my fear up.  I was delivering Macyn naturally and to say that I was anxious about it would be an understatement. 

If you know me, you probably already know that I delivered Ryen naturally and it was awful and great all at the same time.  The problem started with the misconception I had that my epidurals for my previous two births had not worked at all.  The births of Evynn & Kailyn WERE painful, but NOTHING compared to Ryen.  So prior to Ryen, we decided “Forget the drugs, let’s just do it the way God intended!”  We prepared for this by reading and practicing the Bradley Method and I walked into labor feeling VERY confident.  My husband will say that I did a great job but there was some serious panic moments topped with me trying to climb out of the bed and yelling at the doctor when he sauntered in just in time to catch Ryen before she hit the floor.  I was not proud of how it went.  I knew I would do better now that I understood the reality of what it would feel like with no medication at all.  But I was scared.  Our lives were crazier this time around and we did not have near enough time to practice the way we had with Ryen. 

As the date grew closer, I tried to find times to lay and practice relaxing but could never get to the point where I felt like I had it under control.  During the rounds of “warm up” labor, I was left feeling like I was going to fall short again.  But God is faithful and He tells us to seek Him in all things so I started praying.  I started praying for a short delivery.  I started praying in groanings that only the Holy Spirit could understand. 

So as that day progressed and I started to realize that she was going to make her big entrance, my God answered my prayers in ways I could not have understood prior to it all.  I worked through the early labor in the couch in our living room, watching March Madness and trying to get a few things done between contractions.  Ryen was all over me and when (at about 5:30) she put her fingers in my mouth while I was having a rather large contraction, I decided it was time to head to the hospital.  They were still not coming with any regularity (three three minutes apart and then 15 minutes with none) but I decided I rather go to the hospital and be sent home than to have more fingers in my mouth at moment.  

Keith and I left the crazies with my mother and headed for the hospital.  I was still filled with anxiousness and trying to relax through the contractions.  I called my dearest friends, Jennifer and Dena, and told them if they wanted to be there – it was time.  I had not more doubts.  She was coming and I knew that I was completely unprepared. 

We got into a room quickly and the contractions kicked up a notch as I got in a gown and got on the bed.  I struggled to find a position that I felt work at all.  My anxiety level was climbing.  I knew the worse was yet to come and I was not in a place to be able to handle it well.   My incredible husband was helping me through each contraction and listening to me as I told him what did and did not help.   But still, I did not see how I was going to make it through the delivery any better than I had with Ryen.  Keith went to put on the Christian music I had wanted to listen to but I quickly told him that I did not want to hear it.   

About this time, they decided to put in an IV.  I have horrible veins that are hard to find, smallish and tend to roll.  As the nurses stuck the needle into my arm and continued to move it around, trying to find a vein, the anxiety got worse.  They pulled it out and stuck me again.  There was talk that maybe Dr. Wyatt would not care about the IV since it was a natural delivery.  Then they moved to my right arm.  It was at this moment, this moment of pure panic  - they were going to continue to stick, me, I was going to continue to labor with out any ability to relax and ride the waves of contractions that my gracious, loving God answered my prayers.

Upon rolling onto my back so that they could reach my right arm, I hit the position that just felt right.  Had they found the vein in my left arm, I might not have rolled over because the book suggested laying on that side as the best position – it was the way I always practiced.  But here I was, on my back and suddenly things seemed better.  Dr. Wyatt arrived (on his day off I might add) and confirmed that I did not need the IV so the poking stopped.  My anxiety started to drop.  My breathing began to even out. 

Then I heard the little voice.

Focus on Me.

I asked Keith to turn the music on and I suddenly slipped into some marvelous, God induced zone where I knew, I KNEW in my heart I would be able to deliver this baby in a way that would not be disappointing.  I lay, with my eyes closed, breathing through the ever-increasing contractions.  I could hear the strong, loving voice of Keith leading me through each wave.  I could feel the calming presence of Dr. Wyatt.  I knew, not far from my side, were my two dearest friends, ready to welcome my precious girl into the world.

But inside, where my eyes were closed, it was just me and Him.  He reminded me gently, through each contraction to keep my eyes focused on Him.  That each one would come to an end.  That each one, no matter how painful, had a purpose and they were bringing me closer to the end result.  He reminded me to live with the end in mind, this was all just temporary. 

Do not get me wrong, it hurt.  It hurt A LOT.  But I was not in the middle of it somehow.  I knew that if I kept my eyes on Him, if I trusted His promises that He would lead me through. 

Almost as quickly as it started, it was over and she was here!  We had left for the hospital around 5:30pm and she was delivered at 7:41pm.  It seems so short when I think about it in retrospect, because it was.  It was an answer to that prayer. 

As I lay in my hospital bed that night, unable to sleep from the adrenaline running through my body, I was in awe of how God had worked through the whole thing.  He took my anxious, fearful prayers and showed me that no matter what is going on, no matter how painful or overwhelming, if I look ONLY at Him – if I can keep my eyes focused solely upon Him, there is nothing I cannot get through.  But that is the trick, I have to only look at Him.  I cannot get side tracked by what people say is the “best” way to do something, or thrown off course by those painful pricks that come in life.  In some ways, doing this through labor was a lot easier than doing this in life.  I was able to keep my eyes closed and focused on Him through the delivery.  But here, now, in the real world, it is not very practical to run around with my eyes closed! 

And the best memory of that night?  Hearing the song “Jesus Paid It All” ringing through my mind as my precious daughter Macyn made her way into the world! 

There are not enough words to express the love I have for this precious new girl!  She is amazing and I will always be grateful for all that God has taught me through her pregnancy and delivery and I am excited to see how He will grow and stretch me through her life!!!