Why do I Facebook?

I have been asking myself this question for A LONG time.  At least a year.  And please, let me preface this with a comment - this blog is ABOUT ME...  my thoughts and my feelings and how they apply to ME.  I am not making ANY broad statements about others.  I am simply taking a look at my personality, weaknesses, strengths and tendencies and thinking how social media affects ME.

I remember a couple of years ago when someone asked me if I was on Facebook.  I had NO IDEA what it was.  Keith explained it to me, we looked at the site and I signed up for an account.  There was some serious fun in those first days.  I searched for friends long past.  I was "friended" by people I had not heard from in DECADES.  It was so neat to see what people I had known so long ago had been up to.  I also played a bit of Oregon Trail (which I think is no longer available on the site).  Keith did some silly race car game and we learned how to post pictures and enjoyed the excitement of instantly sharing photos of our little ones with friends and family. 

And then there was the best part....  THE STATUS  LINE.  I mean really, there was nothing more enticing to THIS stay at home, homeschooling mom than the opportunity to share pithy comments about my day with other adults who would appreciate them so much more than my children ever did.  Suddenly all those thoughts that rolled around in my head had a place to be heard.  Suddenly I was getting instant feed-back;  praise for my clever wit & my adorable children's antics along with support if something rough had fallen upon my path.  I made a conscious effort to NOT use the venue to gripe or complain about things (although I am certainly not perfect!) and I enjoyed letting the world know what an awesome husband I had and how God had blessed our family.  During this time our computer was in the family room, shut up in an cabinet.  I did not have simple access to it during the day and let's be honest, that Dell just took FOREVER to load up and so just posting a quick status update was not an easy thing to do.  But that desire to be heard had taken root and over the next two years it would grow beyond reason.

However, a few things began to change over the course of the next two years that have changed the excitement over from those first few months to a thing of stress and grief.  First, I began to notice that MANY of the people who were friending me from high school were people that I did not even really know.  One day I thought to myself "Why would these people want to be friends with me now?"  It seemed like just picking out a random person on the street to friend.  So I started to be more selective about who I clicked "accept" on.  Then I started realizing that even many of the people who I did actually know were very different than I was.  Please do not get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with being different than me - but I decided I did not really want to hear about so many  people's lives in such detail.  This is when I actually started "unfriending"  people. 

Unfriending was hard though.  Harder than I ever thought it would be.  In my heart I knew that these people were NOT people I would ever do anything with but even though I did not truly WANT to hear the details of their lives, there was something almost intoxicating about remaining in contact with them.  I felt like something from my past had been found and even though on most every level I wanted to be free from them, there was this part of me that was afraid to let go.  WHY?  Why is that?

Things really hit a peak during the '08 presidential election and again during the "great healthcare debate".  I am a debater by nature, top that with being passionate about what I believe and I suddenly found myself in heated debates with people who I did not know on statuses posted by common friends.  Keith pointed out to me, on more than one occasion, that the reality of me winning someone to my side via a Facebook status debate was rather slim and he did not understand why I let myself get so riled up. 

However, none of this compares to with this fall.  These past couple of months on Facebook have brought very little excitement and quite a bit of despair.    I have been on the receiving end of some very cruel comments and I have myself made a comment that caused a very important person in my life enormous heart ache.  There have been a few other instances of friends being "attacked" verbally by others as well.  And all this has caused me to stop and wonder - why DO I Facebook?

In the midst of the pain I caused this week, I was moments away from deleting my account all together but there was something that just would not let me.  And I did not like what I was feeling.  It is hard for me to put into words what it was, but it was not good.  I liked feeling connected with others.  That is not such a bad thing but are these connections real?  Over the past few months I had seen these people turn on each other and me in just a blink of an eye.  It is oh so much easier to say something cruel when you are not actually looking at the person.  My heartless, cruel remark was just that, something that should have been said to my loved one and not on Facebook but it was easier to complain in cyberspace then it was to just talk to that person.   And maybe, even though you clicked on the word "friend", just maybe that person was NOT really your friend after all? 

I also realized that being able to share my thoughts in an instant gave me a sense of importance.  Vanity really.  Let's be honest, my thoughts had always been important and now Facebook (and the fact that we now had a fast starting Mac up and running in our kitchen) gave me a chance to let the world hear all the important, pithy things I had to say.  I can remember the excitement as I would walk through the kitchen and tapped on the space bar to see if anyone had commented on my latest quip.  Then I realized that as I had spent more time Facebooking, I had spent less time blogging.  And I do love to blog.  And the difference with blogging is that when I used to blog - it was about me and God.  Blogging was about me spending time writing, trying to figure out what God had in store for me and sharing that with the two people who read my blog.  There was never a deep desire to hear back on a blog because the blog was not about other making me feel good, it was about God revealing Himself to me.  But as Facebook grew, blogging faded.  The draw of the quick and easy was too much for the time spent seeking God through words, prayer and contemplation.

I have rethought my Facebook usage.  It has not all been bad.  There have been a few very important people in my past that I have found and that is wonderful.  I have deepened some relationships with some who do not live close by and that has been a true blessing.  I am able to easily let our far away family see photos of the goings on in Little Rock and that is great.  But Facebook has changed for me.  I will no longer allow it to be a social outlet.  I will use the messaging system to get a hold of people.    I will no longer seek worth from it.  Worth can only come from one source and that is our Father above.  I am not saying you will never see a status update from me again, however it will no longer be done in the attempt to fulfill the need for community.  My life is so full already and it just seemed like all Facebook was doing was pulling me in a million different directions.  My sphere had grown so big that the noise was deafening.    I need some quiet now and I do believe there are many others who will be happy to not hear from me so often!

A love letter to my husband

My Dearest Handsome Man,
Eight years ago today the weather was A LOT like it is today...  cold and rainy.  But that cold rain is one of the things that made our wedding day so special.  Weird, I know.  But I love the fact that despite what the weather was like outside, the overwhelming joy of marrying you was shinning brighter than the sun in my heart!

Perhaps my favorite memory of that day was when I was asked how it was possible that I could be so calm on my wedding day and upon reflection I answer that it was because God had made it so clear to me that this was His plan for my life that there was no need to be nervous!  And I can honestly say that marrying you was God's plan for my life.  And that plan has been AWESOME!!!!

You are my BEST friend, Keith.  I know it is not cool to say that.  I know I am "supposed" to prefer to spend time with my children and girlfriends but that is just not the truth!  I do not just love you, I LIKE you.  I like to hang out and watch football with you.  I like to talk politics with you.  I like the fact that just hanging out with you and doing not much of anything is better than do a whole bunch of something with other people! 

Please do not get me wrong, you can certainly irritate me at times & I am I certain that I can get under your skin every once and a while.  But you and I did not go into this marriage with rose colored glasses.  We knew it would be hard work and I want to THANK YOU for your commitment to working hard.  I want to thank you for being emotionally available to me.  I want to thank you for allowing me to experience emotional swings and not holding it against me or just dismissing them as hormones.  I want to thank you for always guarding your heart against passivity and being cliche`.  I actually LOVE when we hear things about "how all men act" and thinking "Keith NEVER acts that way".... 

Eight years... I cannot believe it.  Eight years... four (and a half) children..... I cannot believe THAT!  I can HONESTLY say I did NOT expect the be expecting our fifth child on this day eight years ago.  But I am so happy that we have gone on this journey together.  And perhaps my greatest memory of childbirth will always be you saying (not a minute after Kailyn was born)  "WE HAVE GOT TO DO THIS AGAIN!"  You are an INCREDIBLE father and that is a gift beyond words to me as a wife and mother.  We talk about love languages periodically and I can easily say that each time I see you being a loving, Godly, attentive father to our children (which is ALL THE TIME) my love tank overflows!

Your commitment to do the right thing & your integrity are so clearly based in seeking God  and doing His will that it is easy to follow your lead.  I KNOW that I am not always the easiest woman to live with.  I am a hard-headed woman!   I have made mistakes financially that we are still paying for but you have taken all that in stride.  You truly understand the concept of forgiveness and practice it in your life daily.  Thank you for loving me, flaws and all!

I cannot say that you complete me,  but you ALWAYS point me to the one who will complete me...  Thank you for eight years of servant leadership.   Thank you for eight years of fun and passion.  Thank you for eight years of giving me your best every single day!

I love you more today than I did back then!
Your wife in Christ,
Shasta

The ENTIRE talk... way too long for a blog!

here is the entire talk... it is a lot long for a blog but I was supposed to speak for about 15 minutes....  It is also written to be spoken, so PLEASE (if you do struggle through reading it) do not attack my grammar...  These are a mix between notes and a script....

Thank you.  It really is a honor to get to come and talk here today.

 I remember just six years ago, I was starting Moms and More.  My first child was just a month and half old and just getting here was a project. 

My world had changed in a way beyond anything I could have imagined.

 I went from pretty much doing what I wanted most of the day – even while I was working, I got breaks and lunch and when the work day was over, my time was my own to being on beck and call 24 hours a day. 

Suddenly, I was at home all the time with a little creature whom I loved more than anything but really was not all that interested in anything I had to offer except …well, my breast when it was time to eat.  There was no more fun interactions with coworkers.  Lunch time shopping trips were a thing of the past and getting together with friends in the evenings suddenly involved finding babysitters and a special budget just to pay for her!  Frankly, I was a little bored! 

Now, six years later, I am expecting my fifth child and I have to laugh at the thought of being bored!

So much has changed over the past six years that I could not share all of it with you if they let me talk to all morning.  Each child has revealed new insights about God and new weaknesses in myself.    But it was not until the birth of my fourth child – I have a VERY slow learning curve - that I really even began to get a handle on what it was exactly that God is calling me to… what He is calling all of us blessed to be mothers to be…  Keepers of the Home.

When I first started hearing this phrase, I really did not have any clue what it meant.  I mean it sounds wonderful… Keeper of the Home…  but what does it mean?  And how do I even DO that? 

Let’s be honest, I barely manage to get my children’s hair brushed in the mornings, let alone “Keep my home” in some Godly way. 

But I looked at other mothers, whom I respected, I watched their lives, I spoke with them, I read the Bible searching for what God calls mothers to be.  I talked with my husband about his vision for our home.  I prayed, a lot.  I am still praying.

Our homes should be a

safe haven,

a place of refuge for our family. 

I often say, I want Jesus to drip from our home. 

I want our children to see Jesus in everything we do as a family. 

And what I realized is that in order for that to happen in our home, I need to have a plan.  I need to have a level of organization that makes it easier to function in the midst of chaos – and believe me having four children in four and a half years leads a certain amount of chaos!

So today, I wanted to share with you some practical tips for you to start thinking about becoming a  keeper of your  own home. 

First and foremost, you HAVE to spend time with Jesus every day (preferably first thing in the morning).

Do not believe satan's lie that it has to be an hour, just a short devotional to get your mind on the right things is enough at this phase of life.  This has been a big struggle for me.  Let’s be honest, it is HARD to get up earlier than your little ones to read the Bible and pray!  But answer me a question….  How many of you have a smart phone?  You know, the ones you read your email on or check your facebook account with?  You go to bed with it on your night table and check your email first thing when you get up?  Perfect! 

Subscribe to Fellowship Journal.  Every morning you will get an email that contains a passage from the Bible and one of the pastor’s comments on that passage.  It is the perfect early morning devotional! 

Even if you are not interested in FJ, the most important thing you can do with your day is spend the first few minutes giving it to Christ!  Find a devotional, leave it by your bed and read it before you get out of bed. 

Our bookstore has a lot of good ones (I just checked yesterday) including my very favorite for first time moms Baby Boot Camp.  It truly was a gift from God right after my son was born.  I have started giving it to first time moms when I visit them in the hospital.

 Another idea is to just put your Bible on the counter, open to a particular verse and every time you walk past it, stop to read it.  I did that for a long time and it worked very well, until my three year old reached up, pulled it down and ripped out a few of the front pages…  Make sure you keep it out of reach of destructive toddlers!

I cannot stress this enough.  Get into the word, get on your knees and ask God to be your strength throughout the day.  Your day may still be complete chaos but He is faithful and He will give you the strength and patience to get through it in a way that glorifies Him!

The next most important thing you can do is

Put your husband first – BEFORE YOUR CHILDREN!  I know, this is really hard for some of you but it is how God designed it.  He brought man and woman together and THEN the children came!

            

Find out what is important to him in the area of home keeping (tidy house, dessert after dinner, shirts ironed, etc.) and really focus on meeting those one or two desires daily.

Different things matter to different men, some men want the house neat when they get home, others would rather have dessert every night.  TALK TO HIM, find out what matters to him.  And if he is not a talker, become a student of your husband, learn what makes him happy and DO THOSE THINGS. 

Be excited to see him every time he comes in regardless of the chaos ensuing seconds before he walked in. This takes MUCH prayer!!!

             Do not just get dressed up on Bible study/church days or for GNOs. Make yourself look nice for him. 

            Make coming home a thing of joy for your husband so that he clearly sees that he comes first in your life and that you care for him more than your children.

Your husband is your partner, God designed you to do this entire thing WITH him.  It is so easy, in the midst of this crazy season to just take this gift from God for granted – and trust me, satan wants to use this season to destroy what God has brought together and if we are not careful he will do it. Discover a few important things to your husband and work very hard to do those well.  You will not be disappointed. 

Develop a system for keeping the house decent/clean.

I am not blessed to have a cleaning lady.  If you are, do not tell me or you will cause me to sin as I will have serious envy of you!. 

If you are like me and struggling with how to keep your house clean now that there are little ones demanding time and making messes, you need to develop a system for getting things done around the house.

One of the BIGGEST mistakes I made as a first time mom was only cleaning during naptime.  I know, some of you are saying “Huh?  When are we supposed to get things done?” 

Do things while your little ones are awake when you can.

 This will teach you how to get things done with them around

Your little ones will learn to be more independent and play on their own here and there

Beyond this, as they get older and stop napping, you and your child will have learned to do things around the house – and you will not be like me, struggling to get things done now that you have a couple of non-nappers in the house!

Develop a cleaning schedule. 

I have a friend who just rotated things weekly.  One week was dusting & cleaning the floors.  One week was cleaning the bathroom & kitchen. 

I have been using a monthly schedule.  I wrote down everything that needs to be done on a weekly, biweekly & monthly basis on a spread sheet.  I print it out each month & keep it on the fridge.  I check off things as I get them done through the week.  Over the course of the month I can see easily what things have gotten done and what has gotten ignored.    And there is nothing more satisfying than seeing a whole bunch of check marks.

And finally, in the area of cleaning – lower your standards.  Your house may not be as clean as it used to be.  I am a very neat and tidy person and motherhood has been an attack on my senses in this area!  I still struggle with this a lot.  But again, I talked to my husband, we decided what the most important areas are and we focus our energies on these things. 

However you do it, to be a keeper of your home – you need to have a plan as to how you are going to keep it livable and a refuge for your family.

Develop a menu each week.

This will keep you from making extra trips to the store with children it tow

(I came back from vacation one time and just could not get back into the swing and made 5 trips to the store in 5 days to get that one thing I needed for dinner, this was with three children and pregnant with the fourth.  My BF performed and intervention and forced me to make a menu and grocery list the next week)

It also honors your husband because it helps you to stay within a budget and shows him you recognize the hard work he puts into earning money for the family!

I have done cooking for 30 days with a couple of friends.  I hate it the week we cook and love it for the weeks afterwards when all I have to do is pull something out of the freezer to make dinner. 

I know people who are part of cooking co-ops that share nightly cooking duties. 

I have also had specific nights for food – Tuesday Tacos, Pizza Family Fridays, it makes it easier for you have a couple of days that are always the same.

However you do it, plan out your meals and go to the store with a list.  Your house will run much more smoothly and it will take A LOT of stress off of you which will in turn make your home a refuge for your family!

Finally -

Start teaching your children the word and truths of God from the very beginning.

Teach your children what you believe and why and then Live the things you teach…  you would be shocked at how early little ones can learn scriptures.  My husband leads our family in Bible time 5 -6 times a week and even our 18 month old sits in for it.  She may not be able to say the verses yet, but I can assure you just as she knows the candy corn is on top of the fridge, she is learning what mommy and daddy believe and why! 

So much of this seems so simple and unimportant.

Spend time in the word every day

Put your husband first in your family

Develop a system to keep your house clean and comfortable

Make menu plans

And – teach your children what you believe and why

  It seems lost in the scheme of the “real world” but the reality is what we do each day with our little ones is of vital importance to our world and God’s Kingdom.  When we keep our home as God as called us to… a refuge, a safe haven, a place where Jesus invades every corner, we a training our children to be kingdom builders for Christ. 

Quick notes from my talk at Moms and More

These are the 5 main point I made during my talk....  I will post the entire talk after this ....

1.Spend time in the word every day - preferably first thing in the morning

2.Put your husband first in your family

3.Develop a system to keep your house clean and comfortable

4.Make menu plans

And 

5.Teach your children what you believe and why

Pilate addressed them once more, desiring to release Jesus, but they kept shouting, "Crucify, crucify him!" 

Luke 23:20-21

I was sitting in church the other day when this verse came up on the screen, as I read it a though suddenly crossed my mind...

How many time have I shouted out "CRUCIFY HIM!  CRUCIFY HIM!" through my actions?

You see, there are many times in my life when I have read the New Testament and wondered: What is wrong with those people?  They were walking right along side JESUS! 

THE KING...  they doubted, they questioned, they mocked...  He was right there with them and still they did not believe....  I have told myself many times that if I had walked with Jesus, I would gotten out of the boat and NOT fallen in the water! 

But who am I kidding!  I have seen the hand of Christ clearly in my life and the lives of those around me.  I have seen miracles and heard His voice spoken in my heart.  I have walked with Jesus, just as those 2000+ years ago did and yet I still stumble and fall.  I make conscious decisions to do what I want to do instead of what God is calling me to do.  I am still self-serving and sinful.  And each time I choose to put my own desires above those of the Savior who died for me... each time I decide to do what I want instead of seeking the will of God, who knows what is best for me....   each time I decide that even though I know in my heart who He is, I still just want things MY way, I am shouting out....

"CRUCIFY HIM!  CRUCIFY HIM!"

My family traveled up to Rogers, AR over the Independence Day holiday this year.  Keith and I decided to attend a church planted by our church on Sunday morning.  After depositing the children in their respective classes, we settled in to worship and hear the message.  It was on John 8: 1-11... Jesus and the adulteress woman.  It was a good message.  But there was nothing screaming out to me - no life changing take away.  We enjoyed visiting the church and had a nice visit with my sister and her husband.

Flash forward one week.  We are sitting in our own church, our children have been dropped off in their respective classes and I look down to see what the message will be about... to my surprise it is John 8: 1-11.  REALLY?  Now the church in NWA was doing a series on the Book of John, our church has been doing a series on the sayings and conversations of Jesus.  The chances of these two churches preaching on the same message, on back to back weekends, when we would be attending both churches is pretty slim.  Now, I always get chills when it is so clear and obvious that God has a particularly specific message for us but I just could not figure this out.  I did not see myself sliding into this particular woman's sin.  We sat a listened to the message and still I did not see it.  Why, dear Lord, why, have we heard this passage preached to us two weeks in a row.

I prayed about it for another day before it came clear.  The final line in the story - the last words of Jesus to this woman who was almost stoned to death.  "Go, and sin no more"

Now some of the background I have heard on this particular passage was that, from the language, they can ascertain that this woman was not a one time offender.  She was in the habit of committing adultery.  It was her way of life.  A habit she could not break?  An addiction?  So, after saving her life, Jesus say "Go, and sin no more."

He does not say "Go, and try to do better."

Or "Go, and do the best you can."

Or "Go, and don't worry about it if you sin again, I will be here to save you next time."

He said "Go and sin no more"  SIN NO MORE.

She looked Him in the eyes & recognized Him as Savior.  He forgave her and commanded her to stop it. 

How many times do we decide to walk away from a sin and then after some time we find ourselves neck deep in it again, drowning in guilt that we have failed once more.  This is NOT the life Jesus desires for us.  He believes that we can walk FREE FROM SIN.  If He did not believe that this woman could break free from her sin, He would not have said those words to her.  He would have encouraged her with those other phrases.  But the man who came to die for her, to die for us, knew that through Him, she/we could indeed live the abundant life here and now free from sin.

So, THAT is what it took me two weekends in a row to figure out.  Not only am I forgiven from the sins I commit but through Christ, I have to power to walk away from the sins in my life that drag me down and stifle me with guilt! 

"God is just as able to sanctify as He is to redeem us"
Stepping Heavenward

Let's not just live in the redemption but also in the joy of sanctification!

Quitting

I am quitting.  Giving up.  Failing.  These are hard things for me to type.  These are hard things for me to admit to myself.  But I am.  As of about an hour and a half ago I will no longer be trying to potty train my 3 year old.  I know, I can feel the judgment as you read this.  Other mothers are looking at me thinking - "what is WRONG with you?  You can't potty train your little girl?  Girls are the easiest!  Loser".  I am saying these things to myself.  I am crying as I type this.  But I know that it is the right thing.  The right thing for me and more importantly the right thing for my daughter.

A year ago, I thought I had it going on.  I was a prideful potty trainer.  My boy was the easiest of easy to potty train.  It took very little time or mental energy.  Man, I am good!  Evynn rolled around and we had some issues during the night with #2 but even that did not bother me so much because it was always in a pull up and easy to deal with.  Strangely enough that cleared up completely right as Ryen was born.  So for about six months we were zipping along with very few accidents and two children who went when they needed to go, who went when I told them to go.  Man, I am good!  I should offer a class!  I could charge people for this!  What is wrong with those people who struggle with this?

The haughty looks of man shall be brought low,and the lofty pride of men shall be humbled,and the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.
Isaiah 2:11

 I was prideful.   I will not deny it.  And I have been humbled.  HUMBLED.  Around the beginning of December I decided to tackle child number 3.  She was 2 1/2.  The same age as my other success stories.  She is smart and has a willing spirit.  How hard could it be?  Oh, if I had only known.  


It is now July and she had three accidents in the course of two hours just this morning.  One of them was pretty big.  I took her to the bathroom 2 times in that same period.    I will not bore you with all the details of the past seven months but let's just say we have tired EVERYTHING.  We have had days and even a couple of weeks here and there that have been accident free but we always slip back into this.  There never seems to be any long term progress.  I have tried just about everything to bribe, persuade, discipline, ignore, tears, yelling....  


To top it all off, child #2 who had been "successfully potty trained for over 8+ months" suddenly started having accidents - multiple accidents through out the day... days.   My patience has worn thin and I am out of ideas.  I am struggling to just hold it together in this area.


Then this week, two different friends saw their daughters end up in the hospital - one a precious new born baby and one a grown adult.  And this morning, as I was at UAMS praying for one of them, I realized something needed to change and it was me.  I have a short time with my amazing children - these wonderful gifts from God.  Do I want to waste it yelling, guilting, scolding, them because they cannot... will not go in the potty at this juncture?  I am certain neither will head off to college wearing Depends.  


The storm of the two girls peeing themselves all the time has overwhelmed me.  I am at a loss as to what to do and I feel like a failure.  But I cannot let these circumstances change what God has called me to do.  He has called me to get these children prepared for eternity (not just life here on earth but eternity - thank you for this thought, Wendy).  I am certainly not representing a gracious God to these two children in this area and there is only one way to change that.  I will divide and conquer.  I know that Evynn is capable of doing this.  So, I am going to put Kailyn in a pull up and stop worrying about her.  I will no longer have to deal with the wet clothes and the tears on both our parts.  I can go back to just loving on her and enjoying her for a while.  I will focus on Evynn and get her back on track.  


I am a failure.  I can already imagine the looks that the other mothers will give me.  But I know in my heart of hearts that this is the right thing to do.  She will go in the potty consistently one of these days.  For whatever reason, she is not ready now and I value my relationship with her too much to sacrifice it over wet underwear.  


I am grateful for this lesson.  Grateful to our Lord who knows that pride just keeps us from seeing the good in others; pride just keeps us from helping and being helped; pride is a wall that separates us from true community with others and destroys those who are stuck behind that wall with us.  I am so sorry to my children who have suffered due to my pride.  I am grateful for this lesson now and the time I have to change and be changed by a Savior who loves me!