Here is where I am today...

We are home.  Bowden is doing well.  I am grateful beyond words.  I still feel like crying about every five minutes...  those hormones I guess.

I was talking with Keith this morning about the unfortunate reality of having to farm your little ones out to friends for an unexpected hospital stay so close to having a baby - you get a clear picture of what farming your children out to friends when the baby is born is going to be like...  one child REALLY struggled while we were gone, the other two did great.  Upon returning home after two nights at friends, a different child has cried constantly for about an hour and the others have been great.  

I am finding it so easy to get caught up in the worry of the future.  God is pretty clear on what He thinks about worry:  

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matt. 6:34

There are a lot of verses that sound like this.  But where is the balance between preparing for what we know is to come (I KNOW I am going to give birth some time in the next 8 weeks.  I KNOW that some sweet friends are going to have to watch my children for a couple of days while this happens.) and just getting ourselves worked into an emotional wreck, filled with worry about how it will all work out. 

Some might say it is okay to let my hormones run wild, after all I am pregnant.  But I do not agree with that.  I think that, at times, my hormones will get a little out of control but I do not believe that God calls us to be controlled by those emotions.   God is clear that He does not want us to worry and if those hormones are causing me to freak out with worry then I really do need to seek God to help me get back under control.  And in case we are thinking THAT is impossible, I look to another Scripture: Philippians 4:13 "I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"

This does not say I can do "some things".  Paul says "ALL THINGS".  Including, but not limited to controlling raging pregnancy hormones.  Hummmm, easier said than done.  Not because Christ has trouble relieving me of these pressures but because I fail to ask Him or fail to trust that He REALLY can help me.

So here I am, still wanting to cry.  Facing a tough choice - do I spend the next 8 weeks worried about what is to come?  Or do I spend the next 8 weeks living in the moment, enjoying the time I have with each of my children & my husband before this newest most wonderful blessing arrives?  Do I choose to trust the God who created all things and loves me beyond comprehension or do I turn my back on all that I know to be true to believe in a world that tells me languishing in worry is how life is supposed to be? 

Deuteronomy 7:9
"Know therefore that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments"

So here is where I am tonight... Bowden had surgery today.  He had a salivary gland and a lymphnoid removed.  There was a stone in the gland and it was getting infected.  He had the spend the night.  I did not get to stay.  Only one person could stay.  I am 8 months pregnant, Keith and the nurses thought it would be better for me to go home.  I had to leave my baby there.  Very sad about that.

I also got a call from our pediatrician scheduling her test for kidney reflux two weeks from now.  My Itty Bitty has been struggling UTIs for a while now.

I am going to be giving birth in about 8 weeks.  I am big and uncomfortable and my hormones are running high.

Spending any amount of time at Arkansas Children's hospital fills me with an enourmous amount of gratitude that the problems my children are so small.  I am grateful to a God who provides for us in so many ways.  We have loving family.  We have INCREDIBLE friends who help with children, bring us chocolate shakes and pray without ceasing. 

Why then was I just crying as I left the hospital tonight?  I guess it goes back to those hormones.

This is where I am tonight.  Resting in His grace.  Trusting in His plan for our family.  Grateful for all He provides for us!

Repost of "Naughty or Nice" post from last year....

Naughty or Nice

First, before you decide that I am a nut, please understand that I am all about celebrating Christmas with all its' trappings! A blog (http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=1270) gave the best thoughts on this I have ever read. I am going to paraphrase but I really recommend going to the site and reading it yourself... Christians really should go all out in celebrating Christmas. We understand the truth of what The Gift was all about. That baby brought to earth the gift of salvation and eternal life, the abundant life. As Christians, we should be all about having a great big party to celebrate this. We should decorate, give gifts and have a great feast (the Old Testament is all about feasts!). Throughout it all, we need to be celebrating the The Gift. When we make Christ the center of the celebration, there is nothing wrong with having a big celebration.

With that said though, there is a part of the Christmas celebration that has been weighing heavy on my heart & it is represented in the Elf on the Shelf. I had an elf on my shelf. As I looked at it each day, thoughts just kept pricking at me. Whether you are a follower of Jesus Christ or not, there is something about this elf that creates issues for parents that cannot be denied. It may seem like holiday fun but as he looked at me each day from a new location around my house, I realized he represented deeper issues.

As far as training children, the first and most important thing every parenting expert and layman alike talks about is consistency. If you want your children to obey than you must be consistent. If you say something, than you must follow through. Once the child realizes that mom and dad do not really mean what they say (or that they do not mean it until the third, or fourth, or fifth time...) than any hope for true obedience is lost.

So let's talk about this whole naughty or nice thing. Children hear nothing else from Thanksgiving on other than "be good or Santa will not bring you any presents". And now there is this little elf that sits around the house, ready to let Santa know about any naughtiness that may be going on, ready to make sure naughty little ones will get no gifts.

Really? I mean. REALLY? Have you ever denied your children Christmas presents because he/she was naughty? Sure, I have heard a tale or two of someone getting coal in their stalking. I have never heard of a child getting absolutely nothing due to naughty behavior. And let's be honest - all children are naughty in one way or another & even if we only count the time between Thanksgiving & Christmas, I feel fairly certain most, if not every child, would be gettin' nuthin' for Christmas!

And really, what does naughty mean? Children will take this vague term & run wild with it.

Does pushing brother down count as naughty.... nope. COOL!

Does stealing sister's toys count....nope. Even more cool!

How about speaking rudely to mommy?

Not doing my chores....

Acting out at school....

Little ones will try to get away with as much as we will let them and once they figure out that the naughty/nice thing is not really set in stone, it really offers little behavior control and simply teaches our children that mommy and daddy do not mean what they say. So if you are ready to tell you children exactly what you mean by "naughty" and then enforce it without fail, by all means put that elf on your shelf & enjoy it. I struggle enough on my own enforcing the hard realities of discipline. I certainly do not need to set myself up for the reality that one (or more) of my children will be naughty, forcing me to deny them the joy of Christmas morning in order to abide by the most important principle of parenting - consistency.

This leads me to the bigger issue of the naughty/nice debate if you are a follower of Jesus Christ. As I looked at that elf on my shelf, it dawned on me that everything the elf represents goes against everything this incredible celebration is about -

Romans 5:8 tells us "While we were still sinners, Christ dies for us..."

God did not sit in heaven and say "If you are nice, I will send my Son." If we were nice, we would not have needed His son. He sent the gift of His Son because HE LOVES US. Just like we give Christmas gifts to our children even when they have been naughty BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM.

Naughty & Nice has cluttered up this holiday. And there are a lot of Christian families who have gotten caught up in that clutter. God loves us. Experiencing His love ignites the fire of obedience. Sure, that elf on my shelf may inspire short term obedience from my children but that obedience will last only as long as the desire for the toy lasts. However, it certainly does not teach our children ANYTHING about God's love. As believers, that is what we should be teaching our children during Christmas. It is not about obedience. It is about LOVE.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16

As a parent, I have taken this incredible Gift and used the celebration of it to teach my children bad theology. God's Gift is not about how good we can be... God's Gift came because HE LOVES US, even while we are unlovable. And if I think that this little bit of holiday fun will not shape them and the way they think, I am just lying to myself.

How about I spend this Christmas season telling my children about the MIRACLE that God sent His Son even though no one deserved it?

How about I spend this Christmas season letting my children experience the true joy of anticipating the coming gifts without fear of not getting them because they just weren't good enough?

How about I spend the Christmas season disciplining my children just as I always do, instead of relying on an empty threat seemingly enforced by a little stuffed toy? A read through the Old Testament shows us that God disciplined the Israelites while they waited for the gift of the messiah. There were plenty of consequences for their bad actions, but God never said, "Sorry, you have been too naughty so I am not giving you the gift of the Savior right now." And He NEVER threatened to not send the Gift in order to get the Israelites to obey.

So, I have struggled through the realities of what this little elf has revealed to me. I mean, really, isn't it all in the name of holiday fun? Is it really THAT big of a deal? But then it hit me that YES, it IS that big of a deal. Beyond setting myself up to fail in the area of discipline because I will NEVER wake up Christmas morning & not give my little ones gifts, I am denying my children the opportunity to experience the TRUE JOY of Christmas - celebrating several weeks of anticipating the gifts that are guaranteed to come just because Keith & I love them, just like the Gift of Salvation that God guaranteed would come just because HE LOVES US.

ON THE THRID DAY OF CHRISTMAS

So we have had three days of Advent....  it has been good, it has been crazy.  I have NOT tackeled any crazy crafts or projects yet....  I almost feel like I have to work up to those... if we start off with something too big and it goes badly, I will give up and forget this whole crazy idea.

Our Advent season has been something I have wanted to to since before I had children.  I read, in one of my favorite books by Madeline L'Engle about a family that did something special each day through the Advent season building up to that very special day.  I could not WAIT until I had children and could start doing it with them.  That first year (when Bowden was just five months old) was a little disappointing.  He was not so interested in making cookies!  However, it was A LOT easier to get all sort of baking and decorating done than it is now with four little crazies running around!



As Bowden got older and we added more little ones, I have been able to really develop it into a season of true ADVENTure!  He is six now and this will be our third year of doing something special (craft, decorating, baking, delivering treats or going somewhere special) each day through the month of December.  I will say though, this year, being pregnant with number five, I AM finding it hard to sum up the energy!  However, their anticipation and excitement at what each new day will hold inspires me to get it together!!!

Day 1 started with  finding the WISE MEN.  We have a beautiful Fontanini nativity set that Keith's mother gave us and our wise men spend the month traveling throughout the house.  Each morning the little ones strive to be the first to find them so they can pull the Advent Calendar pocket for that day.  then we were off to make paper chains.  This was easy and super fun for our little ones! 

Day 2 was putting up the "Children's Tree" in the playroom (big thanks to Daddy who did all the hard work).  When we first moved into our house and celebrated our first Christmas, I was a little sad that we spent most of our time in the family room and the tree was in the living room.  Last year, sweet Jennifer gave us her old fake tree so we could have one in the family room to enjoy.  This is the tree we let the little ones put pretty much anything they want on.  The make all sort of things for it.  They COVERED it in silver, green and purple beads this year (thanks again to Jennifer).  We have really enjoyed this new tradition!

 This is our "winter scene", All fall, we had leaves that were changing & falling, pumpkins and even a few bats....  I thought I had a picture of it but could not find it.  You can also see the Children's tree

 Sorry the picture is sideways, I was having trouble downloading from Iphoto tonight.....

 The chain can be seen in the edge of this photo

 Making our snowmen

 He does make such interesting faces..... (you can see in the background that the snow has not fallen on our tree yet....)



Day 3 we made cotton snow men.  Not a hard craft but they certainly loved smothering their little men with lots of cotton!  Then we hung them up on our landscape scene.

We also light an Advent candle each night and our family Bible time is doing an Advent reading and singing Christmas carols instead of regular hymns.  I will try share some of those readings and verses when it is not 11:00 at night! 

I do so love this time of year and I love the excitement my children bring with them, each day!

The First Day of Christmas

In the Jones house we never do anything small...so why would we only celebrate 12 days of Christmas?  This is and always has been my favorite time of year.  There are some hard emotions that have come with it since my father passed away on Christmas Day nine years ago this year but it does not change the fact that this Advent Season is all about the anitcipation of our Savior's birth so long ago and of His coming again one of these days... 
So we will put away the traditional trappings of homeschooling and spend a month doing special things each day in preparation.  I love the way my children get so excited with each new day... there excitement growing and growing!  I will be posting pictures and tales of our ADVENTures over the next 25 days... until then, here are some pictures of past years!

Why do I Facebook?

I have been asking myself this question for A LONG time.  At least a year.  And please, let me preface this with a comment - this blog is ABOUT ME...  my thoughts and my feelings and how they apply to ME.  I am not making ANY broad statements about others.  I am simply taking a look at my personality, weaknesses, strengths and tendencies and thinking how social media affects ME.

I remember a couple of years ago when someone asked me if I was on Facebook.  I had NO IDEA what it was.  Keith explained it to me, we looked at the site and I signed up for an account.  There was some serious fun in those first days.  I searched for friends long past.  I was "friended" by people I had not heard from in DECADES.  It was so neat to see what people I had known so long ago had been up to.  I also played a bit of Oregon Trail (which I think is no longer available on the site).  Keith did some silly race car game and we learned how to post pictures and enjoyed the excitement of instantly sharing photos of our little ones with friends and family. 

And then there was the best part....  THE STATUS  LINE.  I mean really, there was nothing more enticing to THIS stay at home, homeschooling mom than the opportunity to share pithy comments about my day with other adults who would appreciate them so much more than my children ever did.  Suddenly all those thoughts that rolled around in my head had a place to be heard.  Suddenly I was getting instant feed-back;  praise for my clever wit & my adorable children's antics along with support if something rough had fallen upon my path.  I made a conscious effort to NOT use the venue to gripe or complain about things (although I am certainly not perfect!) and I enjoyed letting the world know what an awesome husband I had and how God had blessed our family.  During this time our computer was in the family room, shut up in an cabinet.  I did not have simple access to it during the day and let's be honest, that Dell just took FOREVER to load up and so just posting a quick status update was not an easy thing to do.  But that desire to be heard had taken root and over the next two years it would grow beyond reason.

However, a few things began to change over the course of the next two years that have changed the excitement over from those first few months to a thing of stress and grief.  First, I began to notice that MANY of the people who were friending me from high school were people that I did not even really know.  One day I thought to myself "Why would these people want to be friends with me now?"  It seemed like just picking out a random person on the street to friend.  So I started to be more selective about who I clicked "accept" on.  Then I started realizing that even many of the people who I did actually know were very different than I was.  Please do not get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with being different than me - but I decided I did not really want to hear about so many  people's lives in such detail.  This is when I actually started "unfriending"  people. 

Unfriending was hard though.  Harder than I ever thought it would be.  In my heart I knew that these people were NOT people I would ever do anything with but even though I did not truly WANT to hear the details of their lives, there was something almost intoxicating about remaining in contact with them.  I felt like something from my past had been found and even though on most every level I wanted to be free from them, there was this part of me that was afraid to let go.  WHY?  Why is that?

Things really hit a peak during the '08 presidential election and again during the "great healthcare debate".  I am a debater by nature, top that with being passionate about what I believe and I suddenly found myself in heated debates with people who I did not know on statuses posted by common friends.  Keith pointed out to me, on more than one occasion, that the reality of me winning someone to my side via a Facebook status debate was rather slim and he did not understand why I let myself get so riled up. 

However, none of this compares to with this fall.  These past couple of months on Facebook have brought very little excitement and quite a bit of despair.    I have been on the receiving end of some very cruel comments and I have myself made a comment that caused a very important person in my life enormous heart ache.  There have been a few other instances of friends being "attacked" verbally by others as well.  And all this has caused me to stop and wonder - why DO I Facebook?

In the midst of the pain I caused this week, I was moments away from deleting my account all together but there was something that just would not let me.  And I did not like what I was feeling.  It is hard for me to put into words what it was, but it was not good.  I liked feeling connected with others.  That is not such a bad thing but are these connections real?  Over the past few months I had seen these people turn on each other and me in just a blink of an eye.  It is oh so much easier to say something cruel when you are not actually looking at the person.  My heartless, cruel remark was just that, something that should have been said to my loved one and not on Facebook but it was easier to complain in cyberspace then it was to just talk to that person.   And maybe, even though you clicked on the word "friend", just maybe that person was NOT really your friend after all? 

I also realized that being able to share my thoughts in an instant gave me a sense of importance.  Vanity really.  Let's be honest, my thoughts had always been important and now Facebook (and the fact that we now had a fast starting Mac up and running in our kitchen) gave me a chance to let the world hear all the important, pithy things I had to say.  I can remember the excitement as I would walk through the kitchen and tapped on the space bar to see if anyone had commented on my latest quip.  Then I realized that as I had spent more time Facebooking, I had spent less time blogging.  And I do love to blog.  And the difference with blogging is that when I used to blog - it was about me and God.  Blogging was about me spending time writing, trying to figure out what God had in store for me and sharing that with the two people who read my blog.  There was never a deep desire to hear back on a blog because the blog was not about other making me feel good, it was about God revealing Himself to me.  But as Facebook grew, blogging faded.  The draw of the quick and easy was too much for the time spent seeking God through words, prayer and contemplation.

I have rethought my Facebook usage.  It has not all been bad.  There have been a few very important people in my past that I have found and that is wonderful.  I have deepened some relationships with some who do not live close by and that has been a true blessing.  I am able to easily let our far away family see photos of the goings on in Little Rock and that is great.  But Facebook has changed for me.  I will no longer allow it to be a social outlet.  I will use the messaging system to get a hold of people.    I will no longer seek worth from it.  Worth can only come from one source and that is our Father above.  I am not saying you will never see a status update from me again, however it will no longer be done in the attempt to fulfill the need for community.  My life is so full already and it just seemed like all Facebook was doing was pulling me in a million different directions.  My sphere had grown so big that the noise was deafening.    I need some quiet now and I do believe there are many others who will be happy to not hear from me so often!

A love letter to my husband

My Dearest Handsome Man,
Eight years ago today the weather was A LOT like it is today...  cold and rainy.  But that cold rain is one of the things that made our wedding day so special.  Weird, I know.  But I love the fact that despite what the weather was like outside, the overwhelming joy of marrying you was shinning brighter than the sun in my heart!

Perhaps my favorite memory of that day was when I was asked how it was possible that I could be so calm on my wedding day and upon reflection I answer that it was because God had made it so clear to me that this was His plan for my life that there was no need to be nervous!  And I can honestly say that marrying you was God's plan for my life.  And that plan has been AWESOME!!!!

You are my BEST friend, Keith.  I know it is not cool to say that.  I know I am "supposed" to prefer to spend time with my children and girlfriends but that is just not the truth!  I do not just love you, I LIKE you.  I like to hang out and watch football with you.  I like to talk politics with you.  I like the fact that just hanging out with you and doing not much of anything is better than do a whole bunch of something with other people! 

Please do not get me wrong, you can certainly irritate me at times & I am I certain that I can get under your skin every once and a while.  But you and I did not go into this marriage with rose colored glasses.  We knew it would be hard work and I want to THANK YOU for your commitment to working hard.  I want to thank you for being emotionally available to me.  I want to thank you for allowing me to experience emotional swings and not holding it against me or just dismissing them as hormones.  I want to thank you for always guarding your heart against passivity and being cliche`.  I actually LOVE when we hear things about "how all men act" and thinking "Keith NEVER acts that way".... 

Eight years... I cannot believe it.  Eight years... four (and a half) children..... I cannot believe THAT!  I can HONESTLY say I did NOT expect the be expecting our fifth child on this day eight years ago.  But I am so happy that we have gone on this journey together.  And perhaps my greatest memory of childbirth will always be you saying (not a minute after Kailyn was born)  "WE HAVE GOT TO DO THIS AGAIN!"  You are an INCREDIBLE father and that is a gift beyond words to me as a wife and mother.  We talk about love languages periodically and I can easily say that each time I see you being a loving, Godly, attentive father to our children (which is ALL THE TIME) my love tank overflows!

Your commitment to do the right thing & your integrity are so clearly based in seeking God  and doing His will that it is easy to follow your lead.  I KNOW that I am not always the easiest woman to live with.  I am a hard-headed woman!   I have made mistakes financially that we are still paying for but you have taken all that in stride.  You truly understand the concept of forgiveness and practice it in your life daily.  Thank you for loving me, flaws and all!

I cannot say that you complete me,  but you ALWAYS point me to the one who will complete me...  Thank you for eight years of servant leadership.   Thank you for eight years of fun and passion.  Thank you for eight years of giving me your best every single day!

I love you more today than I did back then!
Your wife in Christ,
Shasta