Expectations

Homeschooling is just one more way for God to reveal Himself to me, for Him to mold me and shape me… So, as I mentioned last time, I have a bit of a pride issue and boy did it rear its’ ugly head this week. Mix that with my expectation sickness and boy did I have a rough Wednesday!

Last week we had a babysitter and I wrote out a little note for Bowden to copy. I did not have high expectations for how it would go seeing as we had not gotten to several of the letters that were included in the note. He, however, was focused and did an awesome job. I was so proud of him. So this week, I decided to have the little ones color pictures for the grandparents to celebrate that day on Sunday. I printed out some coloring pages and gave them over to be colored. My plan was to have each do their best on a couple and then have Bowden write a little note on them. Not one minute after I gave them the sheets Bowden returned with his, covered in black crayon, saying, “I am done.”

Me: “Oh, no you are not. I cannot believe that you just did that. This is for Omi or Grandma. Don’t you want it to look pretty?”

*Please keep in mind; he is only 5, only been working on writing letters for three weeks and never really liked to color….

He looked sad and sat down to do a little more. Then I wrote out the note for him to copy:
Hi Omi & Taid
Love
Bowden
Evynn
Kailyn
Ryen

He immediately said he could not do it. I got frustrated again but after a little thought realized that perhaps making him write his sister’s names was a little too much… He went to work but immediately started off doing it wrong. It was not centered… it did not look right… He was not being careful… I took a fun project for my son and ruined… WHY? Because of my pride and my absurd expectations.

You see, the week before, when he had created the masterpiece for the babysitter, I had no expectations. We had never copied a note before and I did not really think much of it. But once I saw what he was capable of doing, my expectation became “this is what he should do every time…” My pride reared its’ head because I was sending this off to the grandparents, some of whom think I am crazy to home school. This was my chance to show them all that Bowden was learning… really all that I was teaching him… I did chill out and apologize to him.

However, I did not stop thinking about it and what God was trying to teach me. This evening, while doing the dishes and listening to Keith go over AWANA with Evynn I started thinking about God and His expectations. I realized that I do not think He has expectations for us. He has hopes but not expectations. Then I started thinking about how God knew everything BEFORE He created this world.

For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
1 John 3:20

He knew Adam and Eve would fall. He knew every sin that would be committed before it was committed and yet He still made the world. He knew, when He created us, that His son would die on the cross in order to redeem us and even after that we would STILL sin.

The vision of Christ on the cross flashed in my mind & landed on my heart, and I thought about how God let His son suffer unthinkable pain all the while knowing that He would never expect anything from us in return. He expects NOTHING from me. He desires my love and my devotion. But He expects nothing. He hopes I will follow His will. But He expects nothing. He knows my heart and the sin that lies in the recesses of the dark spaces there and He still sent His Son to die for me. Hoping for my love but expecting nothing.

How much easier would my life with my husband, my children, and my friends be if I could be like God? Sacrifice the things that mean the most to me to serve those I love and then expect nothing in return?

This was a pretty profound thought for me. Expect nothing. Sit and teach my son and expect nothing. Give him all my love and attention and expect nothing. Does this mean I am setting him up for a life of mediocrity? I do not think so. I do think it will teach him that I love him unconditionally. My love is not based on performance or success rates. One of my main reasons for home schooling was my desire for my children to develop a LOVE for learning. You cannot learn to love something that is forced upon you. Isn’t this why God gives us the choice to love Him? It is not true love if there is no choice.

So tomorrow I will tackle another day of being a wife and mother. I will pray for the ability to sacrifice my desires for those I love and the strength to set aside any expectation of something in return.