The ENTIRE talk... way too long for a blog!

here is the entire talk... it is a lot long for a blog but I was supposed to speak for about 15 minutes....  It is also written to be spoken, so PLEASE (if you do struggle through reading it) do not attack my grammar...  These are a mix between notes and a script....

Thank you.  It really is a honor to get to come and talk here today.

 I remember just six years ago, I was starting Moms and More.  My first child was just a month and half old and just getting here was a project. 

My world had changed in a way beyond anything I could have imagined.

 I went from pretty much doing what I wanted most of the day – even while I was working, I got breaks and lunch and when the work day was over, my time was my own to being on beck and call 24 hours a day. 

Suddenly, I was at home all the time with a little creature whom I loved more than anything but really was not all that interested in anything I had to offer except …well, my breast when it was time to eat.  There was no more fun interactions with coworkers.  Lunch time shopping trips were a thing of the past and getting together with friends in the evenings suddenly involved finding babysitters and a special budget just to pay for her!  Frankly, I was a little bored! 

Now, six years later, I am expecting my fifth child and I have to laugh at the thought of being bored!

So much has changed over the past six years that I could not share all of it with you if they let me talk to all morning.  Each child has revealed new insights about God and new weaknesses in myself.    But it was not until the birth of my fourth child – I have a VERY slow learning curve - that I really even began to get a handle on what it was exactly that God is calling me to… what He is calling all of us blessed to be mothers to be…  Keepers of the Home.

When I first started hearing this phrase, I really did not have any clue what it meant.  I mean it sounds wonderful… Keeper of the Home…  but what does it mean?  And how do I even DO that? 

Let’s be honest, I barely manage to get my children’s hair brushed in the mornings, let alone “Keep my home” in some Godly way. 

But I looked at other mothers, whom I respected, I watched their lives, I spoke with them, I read the Bible searching for what God calls mothers to be.  I talked with my husband about his vision for our home.  I prayed, a lot.  I am still praying.

Our homes should be a

safe haven,

a place of refuge for our family. 

I often say, I want Jesus to drip from our home. 

I want our children to see Jesus in everything we do as a family. 

And what I realized is that in order for that to happen in our home, I need to have a plan.  I need to have a level of organization that makes it easier to function in the midst of chaos – and believe me having four children in four and a half years leads a certain amount of chaos!

So today, I wanted to share with you some practical tips for you to start thinking about becoming a  keeper of your  own home. 

First and foremost, you HAVE to spend time with Jesus every day (preferably first thing in the morning).

Do not believe satan's lie that it has to be an hour, just a short devotional to get your mind on the right things is enough at this phase of life.  This has been a big struggle for me.  Let’s be honest, it is HARD to get up earlier than your little ones to read the Bible and pray!  But answer me a question….  How many of you have a smart phone?  You know, the ones you read your email on or check your facebook account with?  You go to bed with it on your night table and check your email first thing when you get up?  Perfect! 

Subscribe to Fellowship Journal.  Every morning you will get an email that contains a passage from the Bible and one of the pastor’s comments on that passage.  It is the perfect early morning devotional! 

Even if you are not interested in FJ, the most important thing you can do with your day is spend the first few minutes giving it to Christ!  Find a devotional, leave it by your bed and read it before you get out of bed. 

Our bookstore has a lot of good ones (I just checked yesterday) including my very favorite for first time moms Baby Boot Camp.  It truly was a gift from God right after my son was born.  I have started giving it to first time moms when I visit them in the hospital.

 Another idea is to just put your Bible on the counter, open to a particular verse and every time you walk past it, stop to read it.  I did that for a long time and it worked very well, until my three year old reached up, pulled it down and ripped out a few of the front pages…  Make sure you keep it out of reach of destructive toddlers!

I cannot stress this enough.  Get into the word, get on your knees and ask God to be your strength throughout the day.  Your day may still be complete chaos but He is faithful and He will give you the strength and patience to get through it in a way that glorifies Him!

The next most important thing you can do is

Put your husband first – BEFORE YOUR CHILDREN!  I know, this is really hard for some of you but it is how God designed it.  He brought man and woman together and THEN the children came!

            

Find out what is important to him in the area of home keeping (tidy house, dessert after dinner, shirts ironed, etc.) and really focus on meeting those one or two desires daily.

Different things matter to different men, some men want the house neat when they get home, others would rather have dessert every night.  TALK TO HIM, find out what matters to him.  And if he is not a talker, become a student of your husband, learn what makes him happy and DO THOSE THINGS. 

Be excited to see him every time he comes in regardless of the chaos ensuing seconds before he walked in. This takes MUCH prayer!!!

             Do not just get dressed up on Bible study/church days or for GNOs. Make yourself look nice for him. 

            Make coming home a thing of joy for your husband so that he clearly sees that he comes first in your life and that you care for him more than your children.

Your husband is your partner, God designed you to do this entire thing WITH him.  It is so easy, in the midst of this crazy season to just take this gift from God for granted – and trust me, satan wants to use this season to destroy what God has brought together and if we are not careful he will do it. Discover a few important things to your husband and work very hard to do those well.  You will not be disappointed. 

Develop a system for keeping the house decent/clean.

I am not blessed to have a cleaning lady.  If you are, do not tell me or you will cause me to sin as I will have serious envy of you!. 

If you are like me and struggling with how to keep your house clean now that there are little ones demanding time and making messes, you need to develop a system for getting things done around the house.

One of the BIGGEST mistakes I made as a first time mom was only cleaning during naptime.  I know, some of you are saying “Huh?  When are we supposed to get things done?” 

Do things while your little ones are awake when you can.

 This will teach you how to get things done with them around

Your little ones will learn to be more independent and play on their own here and there

Beyond this, as they get older and stop napping, you and your child will have learned to do things around the house – and you will not be like me, struggling to get things done now that you have a couple of non-nappers in the house!

Develop a cleaning schedule. 

I have a friend who just rotated things weekly.  One week was dusting & cleaning the floors.  One week was cleaning the bathroom & kitchen. 

I have been using a monthly schedule.  I wrote down everything that needs to be done on a weekly, biweekly & monthly basis on a spread sheet.  I print it out each month & keep it on the fridge.  I check off things as I get them done through the week.  Over the course of the month I can see easily what things have gotten done and what has gotten ignored.    And there is nothing more satisfying than seeing a whole bunch of check marks.

And finally, in the area of cleaning – lower your standards.  Your house may not be as clean as it used to be.  I am a very neat and tidy person and motherhood has been an attack on my senses in this area!  I still struggle with this a lot.  But again, I talked to my husband, we decided what the most important areas are and we focus our energies on these things. 

However you do it, to be a keeper of your home – you need to have a plan as to how you are going to keep it livable and a refuge for your family.

Develop a menu each week.

This will keep you from making extra trips to the store with children it tow

(I came back from vacation one time and just could not get back into the swing and made 5 trips to the store in 5 days to get that one thing I needed for dinner, this was with three children and pregnant with the fourth.  My BF performed and intervention and forced me to make a menu and grocery list the next week)

It also honors your husband because it helps you to stay within a budget and shows him you recognize the hard work he puts into earning money for the family!

I have done cooking for 30 days with a couple of friends.  I hate it the week we cook and love it for the weeks afterwards when all I have to do is pull something out of the freezer to make dinner. 

I know people who are part of cooking co-ops that share nightly cooking duties. 

I have also had specific nights for food – Tuesday Tacos, Pizza Family Fridays, it makes it easier for you have a couple of days that are always the same.

However you do it, plan out your meals and go to the store with a list.  Your house will run much more smoothly and it will take A LOT of stress off of you which will in turn make your home a refuge for your family!

Finally -

Start teaching your children the word and truths of God from the very beginning.

Teach your children what you believe and why and then Live the things you teach…  you would be shocked at how early little ones can learn scriptures.  My husband leads our family in Bible time 5 -6 times a week and even our 18 month old sits in for it.  She may not be able to say the verses yet, but I can assure you just as she knows the candy corn is on top of the fridge, she is learning what mommy and daddy believe and why! 

So much of this seems so simple and unimportant.

Spend time in the word every day

Put your husband first in your family

Develop a system to keep your house clean and comfortable

Make menu plans

And – teach your children what you believe and why

  It seems lost in the scheme of the “real world” but the reality is what we do each day with our little ones is of vital importance to our world and God’s Kingdom.  When we keep our home as God as called us to… a refuge, a safe haven, a place where Jesus invades every corner, we a training our children to be kingdom builders for Christ. 

Quick notes from my talk at Moms and More

These are the 5 main point I made during my talk....  I will post the entire talk after this ....

1.Spend time in the word every day - preferably first thing in the morning

2.Put your husband first in your family

3.Develop a system to keep your house clean and comfortable

4.Make menu plans

And 

5.Teach your children what you believe and why

Pilate addressed them once more, desiring to release Jesus, but they kept shouting, "Crucify, crucify him!" 

Luke 23:20-21

I was sitting in church the other day when this verse came up on the screen, as I read it a though suddenly crossed my mind...

How many time have I shouted out "CRUCIFY HIM!  CRUCIFY HIM!" through my actions?

You see, there are many times in my life when I have read the New Testament and wondered: What is wrong with those people?  They were walking right along side JESUS! 

THE KING...  they doubted, they questioned, they mocked...  He was right there with them and still they did not believe....  I have told myself many times that if I had walked with Jesus, I would gotten out of the boat and NOT fallen in the water! 

But who am I kidding!  I have seen the hand of Christ clearly in my life and the lives of those around me.  I have seen miracles and heard His voice spoken in my heart.  I have walked with Jesus, just as those 2000+ years ago did and yet I still stumble and fall.  I make conscious decisions to do what I want to do instead of what God is calling me to do.  I am still self-serving and sinful.  And each time I choose to put my own desires above those of the Savior who died for me... each time I decide to do what I want instead of seeking the will of God, who knows what is best for me....   each time I decide that even though I know in my heart who He is, I still just want things MY way, I am shouting out....

"CRUCIFY HIM!  CRUCIFY HIM!"

My family traveled up to Rogers, AR over the Independence Day holiday this year.  Keith and I decided to attend a church planted by our church on Sunday morning.  After depositing the children in their respective classes, we settled in to worship and hear the message.  It was on John 8: 1-11... Jesus and the adulteress woman.  It was a good message.  But there was nothing screaming out to me - no life changing take away.  We enjoyed visiting the church and had a nice visit with my sister and her husband.

Flash forward one week.  We are sitting in our own church, our children have been dropped off in their respective classes and I look down to see what the message will be about... to my surprise it is John 8: 1-11.  REALLY?  Now the church in NWA was doing a series on the Book of John, our church has been doing a series on the sayings and conversations of Jesus.  The chances of these two churches preaching on the same message, on back to back weekends, when we would be attending both churches is pretty slim.  Now, I always get chills when it is so clear and obvious that God has a particularly specific message for us but I just could not figure this out.  I did not see myself sliding into this particular woman's sin.  We sat a listened to the message and still I did not see it.  Why, dear Lord, why, have we heard this passage preached to us two weeks in a row.

I prayed about it for another day before it came clear.  The final line in the story - the last words of Jesus to this woman who was almost stoned to death.  "Go, and sin no more"

Now some of the background I have heard on this particular passage was that, from the language, they can ascertain that this woman was not a one time offender.  She was in the habit of committing adultery.  It was her way of life.  A habit she could not break?  An addiction?  So, after saving her life, Jesus say "Go, and sin no more."

He does not say "Go, and try to do better."

Or "Go, and do the best you can."

Or "Go, and don't worry about it if you sin again, I will be here to save you next time."

He said "Go and sin no more"  SIN NO MORE.

She looked Him in the eyes & recognized Him as Savior.  He forgave her and commanded her to stop it. 

How many times do we decide to walk away from a sin and then after some time we find ourselves neck deep in it again, drowning in guilt that we have failed once more.  This is NOT the life Jesus desires for us.  He believes that we can walk FREE FROM SIN.  If He did not believe that this woman could break free from her sin, He would not have said those words to her.  He would have encouraged her with those other phrases.  But the man who came to die for her, to die for us, knew that through Him, she/we could indeed live the abundant life here and now free from sin.

So, THAT is what it took me two weekends in a row to figure out.  Not only am I forgiven from the sins I commit but through Christ, I have to power to walk away from the sins in my life that drag me down and stifle me with guilt! 

"God is just as able to sanctify as He is to redeem us"
Stepping Heavenward

Let's not just live in the redemption but also in the joy of sanctification!

Quitting

I am quitting.  Giving up.  Failing.  These are hard things for me to type.  These are hard things for me to admit to myself.  But I am.  As of about an hour and a half ago I will no longer be trying to potty train my 3 year old.  I know, I can feel the judgment as you read this.  Other mothers are looking at me thinking - "what is WRONG with you?  You can't potty train your little girl?  Girls are the easiest!  Loser".  I am saying these things to myself.  I am crying as I type this.  But I know that it is the right thing.  The right thing for me and more importantly the right thing for my daughter.

A year ago, I thought I had it going on.  I was a prideful potty trainer.  My boy was the easiest of easy to potty train.  It took very little time or mental energy.  Man, I am good!  Evynn rolled around and we had some issues during the night with #2 but even that did not bother me so much because it was always in a pull up and easy to deal with.  Strangely enough that cleared up completely right as Ryen was born.  So for about six months we were zipping along with very few accidents and two children who went when they needed to go, who went when I told them to go.  Man, I am good!  I should offer a class!  I could charge people for this!  What is wrong with those people who struggle with this?

The haughty looks of man shall be brought low,and the lofty pride of men shall be humbled,and the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.
Isaiah 2:11

 I was prideful.   I will not deny it.  And I have been humbled.  HUMBLED.  Around the beginning of December I decided to tackle child number 3.  She was 2 1/2.  The same age as my other success stories.  She is smart and has a willing spirit.  How hard could it be?  Oh, if I had only known.  


It is now July and she had three accidents in the course of two hours just this morning.  One of them was pretty big.  I took her to the bathroom 2 times in that same period.    I will not bore you with all the details of the past seven months but let's just say we have tired EVERYTHING.  We have had days and even a couple of weeks here and there that have been accident free but we always slip back into this.  There never seems to be any long term progress.  I have tried just about everything to bribe, persuade, discipline, ignore, tears, yelling....  


To top it all off, child #2 who had been "successfully potty trained for over 8+ months" suddenly started having accidents - multiple accidents through out the day... days.   My patience has worn thin and I am out of ideas.  I am struggling to just hold it together in this area.


Then this week, two different friends saw their daughters end up in the hospital - one a precious new born baby and one a grown adult.  And this morning, as I was at UAMS praying for one of them, I realized something needed to change and it was me.  I have a short time with my amazing children - these wonderful gifts from God.  Do I want to waste it yelling, guilting, scolding, them because they cannot... will not go in the potty at this juncture?  I am certain neither will head off to college wearing Depends.  


The storm of the two girls peeing themselves all the time has overwhelmed me.  I am at a loss as to what to do and I feel like a failure.  But I cannot let these circumstances change what God has called me to do.  He has called me to get these children prepared for eternity (not just life here on earth but eternity - thank you for this thought, Wendy).  I am certainly not representing a gracious God to these two children in this area and there is only one way to change that.  I will divide and conquer.  I know that Evynn is capable of doing this.  So, I am going to put Kailyn in a pull up and stop worrying about her.  I will no longer have to deal with the wet clothes and the tears on both our parts.  I can go back to just loving on her and enjoying her for a while.  I will focus on Evynn and get her back on track.  


I am a failure.  I can already imagine the looks that the other mothers will give me.  But I know in my heart of hearts that this is the right thing to do.  She will go in the potty consistently one of these days.  For whatever reason, she is not ready now and I value my relationship with her too much to sacrifice it over wet underwear.  


I am grateful for this lesson.  Grateful to our Lord who knows that pride just keeps us from seeing the good in others; pride just keeps us from helping and being helped; pride is a wall that separates us from true community with others and destroys those who are stuck behind that wall with us.  I am so sorry to my children who have suffered due to my pride.  I am grateful for this lesson now and the time I have to change and be changed by a Savior who loves me!

Two posts in one day... so unlike me... however I have been thinking a lot about the post I did early this morning and wanted to expand upon it...  If you have not read that, you might look at it first. 
I spoke of a path - one rocky and one that looked rather easy.  I spoke about having to choose between the two.  I realized later that it goes a bit deeper than this.  Almost ten years ago I was at a crossroads.  I had been on a path that was horrible.  It was filled with heartache and pain.  There was no peace.  Then I got to the crossroads.  That new path was the one Christ offered.  It was uphill and rocky, it did not look easy at all, from the point I was at, it looked very hard - losing friends, walking away from my entire life - but it was worth it because I could see so clearly that Christ would be leading me and I could still taste the bitterness of the life without Him at the head. 

My 20s were hard.  They were sad.  I will certainly NEVER look back and think "those were the best years of my life".  The choice to pick up my cross and follow Christ was an easy one once I fully understood it.  Dieing to self was not hard as there was not much I liked about my life.  I came to Christ not long before I turned 29.  I got married at 30 and started a whole new life.  The good life.  I had (and still have) an incredible husband, developed amazing friendships and experienced earthly security in a way I never had before.  And somewhere along the way, I took a wrong turn.  I got caught up in seeking the good life and not the Abundant life.  And here is another thing I have realized, the more we expereince the good life, the harder it is to seek after the Abundant life.  I mean really.  When I was on my knees crying out to Christ at 28, my life was a wasteland of shallow, unsatistifactory stuff.   Giving up THAT to follow Christ was not so  hard.  But now, my life is filled with so much that matters.  The thought of losing all this to follow Christ terrifies me! 


Here is how I think satan has worked in my life over the past few years....  Things have gone well for me, for my family.  I am so grateful for ALL that we have.  But as I have gotten more, I have sought God less.  I have gotten caught up in the day to day of living.  Then, in seeking God less, I begin to think it is up to me to control what happens.  So, when I first came to Christ, I was walking up that path holding the cross on my back, now I slide it down and try to drag it with one hand while I hold on to all these things that matter so much to me.  I get tired...  we are not meant to carry heavy loads with just one hand, dragging behind us.  I seek God less.  I seek more control.  I grab more stuff to hold on to.  It is a cycle that continues and continues to drag me down and wear me out.  Where is this ABUNDANT life that was promised to me?  And just when I begin to doubt that this is worth it... there is that path... that clear, easy path. 

I have been on that path.   I know the truth of what lies beyond the easy opening.  It is dark and hopeless. 

God is so good.  He has promised us the Abundant life and it is real.  I have lived it.  But we need to remember, the Abundant life is not the good life.  It is not about things or even people.  It is not about our circumstances or being in control.  It is about living as one with Christ.  It is about being consumed by the Holy Spirit and living in a way that brings glory to God.  That is the only thing that will bring true satisfaction and peace.

Last week I posted a facebook status that I felt our family was at a crossroad and I was wondering which way to go.  there were a couple people who were curious and I am going to atempt to work though it here.  First, I think there is the way God desires us to go and they I think there is the way that looks easier.  As I stand at the crossroads - I see one path is straight uphill. The path is not at all smooth.  It does not seem to lead anywhere and looks to be dangerous.  The path looks smooth and simple.   So I was thinking, praying about which path to take.

I do so love when God answers your questions so clearly that there is no doubt that path He has chosen.  Yesterday, at church, one of our teaching pastors gave one of the best messages I have heard in a long time (and our teachers give good messages every Sunday, this one was just over the top).  He was talking about Matthew 10"34-39.  It is all about losing ourselves for Christ.... mother against daughter, father against son, pick up your cross and follow Christ.... 

Christ starts out this passage saying He did not come to bring peace but the sword.  I spent a large part of my early life as a Christian praying for peace and I was blessed with it.  But I have found lately that it has been lacking in my life again.  One of the things that our pastor spoke of yesterday is that peace ONLY comes after battling through sin and when Christ refers to bringing the sword what does He mean? The word of God of course.  Head over to Ephesians 6 and check out the armour of God - the sword is the word.  Christ has come to bring the sword to eliminate sin - we must battle through that sin to have peace with God.  And to battle through that sin, I must be spending more time int he word than I have been. 

I feel my foot taking a step towards that rocky path.

This passage also speaks of throwing down our lives and picking up our cross to follow Christ.  As I thought about my life, a vision came to me.  I HAVE picked up the cross.  But I am currently just dragging it behind me.  My arms are filled with all the things of this life I do not want to let go of... anger, greed, trust, control....  my arms are filled and so I cannot carry the cross like I should.  I am gripping it with one had dragging it behind me and I AM TIRED!  I wonder how many other Christians find this life tiring?   We do not understand that in order to live the abundant life NOW we have to get rid of all that other stuff.  How much easier would it be, if we would throw down the things of this world, hike that cross up onto our back in a way that will be easier to bare the weight and get moving?

Christ has promised us the abundant life NOW.  But so many of us miss it because we are struggling for control.  We do love Christ, we understand (on a human level) what He has done for us and we want what He promises.  We just cannot let go of the things of this world.  Satan whispers to us that if we stop watching those TV shows, life will be dull.  That of we do not have that new stuff we will be unsatisfied.  That if our children act out, we are failures as mothers.  That if we do not have control of every outcome things will turn out badly.  He lies to me that I CAN control every outcome, if I just yell enough. 

But here is the thing - we CANNOT carry the cross as long as we are holding on to all these other things.  We cannot choose to do things that offend our Savior and then expect Him to bless us with the abundant life.  And here is the other thing that our pastor spoke of yesterday - carrying the cross was not some promise for good times as we humans understand it.  When He told the disciples to carry the cross, He was promising them humiliation, immense struggle and most likely a horrible death (that is what the connotations of carrying the cross meant back then).  And yet I speak of abundant life.  Why?  Because He said carry the cross and "follow me".  It is walking with Christ that we experience the abundant life.  Regardless of our circumstances, when we walk with Christ we will have that peace, that joy.

I have allowed fear to keep me from walking up that path - fear of what my life will look like, fear of losing control.  I have allowed my circumstances to let me believe lies.  Regardless of what is going on around me - when I throw down fear and pick up my cross, Christ is in front of me.  The path may be difficult but Christ goes first showing me the way.